text messages
by x-Pick'n'Mix-x
Summary: just some random text messages between the characters in Sherlock. chapters are all un related, unless it says otherwise :D please R&R. rated just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: **here's another story from me :D I cant help myself, I know I should be updating my other stories, and I'm trying, but they never seem right, so I'll have to keep trying :)

anyway, hope you enjoy this :D

SH = Sherlock Holmes, JW = John Watson, L = Lestrade, SD = Sally Donovan, A = Anderson, MH = Mycroft Holmes, M = Molly

**Wednesday 8****th**** December 2010 – messages started: 12.03 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Bored. –SH

You always are. – JW

Not true. I'm not when I have a case. – SH

Take a case then. – JW

They're all dull. – SH

Well, stop texting me, I'm at work. – JW

Stop texting back then. – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.15 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

I didn't actually mean it. When do you finished? I'm bored. – SH

I know you're bored, you've told me. I finish at 1. – JW

Right. I'm going to text Lestrade. – SH

Good. – JW

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.18 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Any cases? – SH

Not at the moment. Sorry. – L

Cant you find one? I'm bored. – SH

I cant just magic up a case! – L

Yes you can. Its not hard. – SH

I'm not killing anyone so you can have a case. –L

Hire someone to do it then. – SH

Are you joking? – L

Lets just say I was. Come on, there has to be something? – SH

No. I'll text you if there is. – L

Dull. – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.25 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

I hear you're bored little brother? –MH

You didn't hear, you read. – SH

Details. I have something for you if you're interested? – MH

No. – SH

Come on now, don't be so childish. Its rather interesting. – MH

Doubt it. – SH

Its it. It involves some missing documents. They were stolen from the house of parliament last night, - MH

Dull. It was the secretary. You know that. Why are you bothering me? – SH

Thought you could use some entertainment. – MH

Not from you. Good bye. – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.40 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

We're out of milk. – SH

I bought some yesterday! – JW

I used it all. – SH

How? You don't drink that much tea! – JW

Experiment. – SH

That's it! I'm sending Molly your number! – JW

You wouldn't dare! – SH

John? Tell me you didn't? – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.15 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper.**

Hey Sherlock its molly :) x – M

Hello Molly. – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.17 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Ooh, you did. I'll get you back for this John, don't you worry. – SH

No you wont, or I'll invite Molly over tonight. – JW

Hate you. – SH

Love you too Sherlock – JW

Not what I said – SH

I know. – JW

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.19 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper.**

Any cases? X – M

No. – SH

Oh, so you wont be in the morgue today? X – M

Not unless there is something interesting there? – SH

Well, I shouldn't really tell you this, but there was a man bought in last night who is believed to have been poisoned, not even the Yard know about it. X – M

I'll be right there. – SH

Ok. See you in a bit :) x – M

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 12.23 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Ha. Your attempt at making me miserable failed. Molly has a case for me. – SH

I'm sure she does. – JW

She does! Why would I lie? A man was poisoned last night and the yard haven't been informed. – SH

Not what I meant. – JW

What? – SH

Never mind. – JW

Strange man. – SH

Me? Strange? You can hardly talk Sherlock! – JW

John, clearly I can talk. You have heard my voice many times. – SH

Shut up. – JW

I'm not talking now, I'm texting. – SH

Go away. – JW

I'm not near you. – SH

Oh my god! I'm turning off my phone! – JW

No you're not. See you at 1. – SH

What ever. – JW

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 1.30 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Are you at home yet? – SH

Yeah. Where are you? – JW

Just leaving the morgue now. – SH

Ok. – JW

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 1.35 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Sally Donovan.**

Hey freak. Lestrade wants you at the station. –SD

Case? – SH

Why else? – SD

To tell him why you were late for work this morning? – SH

Shut up freak and get over here. – SD

I'm not talking, I'm texting. Why don't people understand that? – SH

Just hurry up. – SD

Why are you in a hurry? Is Anderson's wife out of town again and his floors need scrubbing? – SH

Not funny. – SD

Who's laughing? – SH

You're so childish. – SD

You, the person with an IQ in the single figures, are calling me, a man with an IQ that would most likely break the testing machines, a child? You must have known some intelligent children. Yourself not included. – SH

One day, you'll be solving your own murder! – SD

Not possible. Thank you for backing up my point about the IQ. – SH

Wait until I see you! – SD

What, so you can offer to scrub my floors? No thank you. – SH

Whatever. – SD

Indeed. – SH

**Wednesday 8th December 2010 – messages started: 1.40 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Be waiting outside the flat. There's a case. – SH

Will do. – JW

**a/n:** probably wasn't very good, but it sounded good in my head. Lol. Please review and let me know if you like it or hate it :)


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: **here's the next chapter :D thanks to everyone who reviewed, I'm really glad you liked it :)

Here are replies to the people who reviewed without a proper account:

**Reviewer:** thanks, same, he seems like the kinda guy to say those things :)

**Eer: **thanks, glad you liked it :)

**Doctorcoffeegirl: **can you not be bothered to sign in? Lol. Good to know you liked it :D

xXx

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 9.42 am between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Are you at work? – SH

Yes. – JW

Oh, that would be why you didn't pass me a pen. – SH

Yes, that would be why. – JW

If you had to take three items to a deserted island, what would they be? – SH

What? – JW

You know, if you were going to dumped on an island somewhere and the people asked you what three items you would want to take, what would they be? – SH

Um, food, drink and a book – JW

Be serious John. You can't say food or drink. – SH

Fine. A book, a notebook and a gun. Why the question anyway? – JW

A gun? Hmm. I would take my violin, my chemistry set and my skull. – SH

You realise your brother is reading this conversation right? – JW

I know. Mycroft? I can smell you from here! – SH

Well, that was childish. – JW

Really? Interesting. When do you finish? I'm bored. – SH

I finish at 2 today. – JW

Right. Dull. I'm going to annoy someone, I'll text you later. – SH

Bye. – JW

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 9.52 am between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Any cases? – SH

No. sorry. There was only one which involved a missing cat. Hopkins found it. – L

How dull. It's lucky I'm not a criminal really. On the other hand, you would be rather busy. – SH

Please don't become a criminal. I have enough trouble with the criminals as it is, without you making it 2000 times worse. – L

Would be funny to watch Anderson fail at attempting to find me though. – SH

Agreed. – L

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 10 am between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

How can you possibly smell me from where you are? Your sense of smell is not powerful enough for that. – MH

What took you so long? Were you sat on your phone and couldn't reply? – SH

How can you be so cruel to your caring older brother? – MH

Why do you always text me? If we weren't related, I'd assume you were a stalker. Although, technically you are. You follow me everywhere! – SH

To keep an eye on you my darling brother. – MH

Idiot. – SH

Hardly. – MH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 10.11 am between Sherlock Holmes and Anderson.**

You do realise you're an idiot right? – SH

Whatever Sherlock. At least I have a proper job – A

What, watching me solve crimes you can't? I'd hardly call that a proper job. But, if you think that highly of me, I suppose I'm flattered. – SH

You're so annoying! – A

Look who that's coming from. Have you ever heard yourself talk? Anyway, say hello to Donovan for me, wont you? – SH

How did you know she was here? – A

I didn't, you just told me :) – A

Ass. – A

No Anderson, I don't like your ass. Honestly, there are some strange people on this planet. I'm going to talk to someone interesting. Bye. – SH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 12.03 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Help me John! – SH

Why? – JW

I'm being kidnapped! – SH

What? By who? – JW

Mycroft! He's taking me for lunch at my family home! You have to help me! – SH

Can't you just run? – JW

No. I'm in his car with two rather large men seated either side of me. Mycroft is sat across from me smiling like deranged cat. One of these men looks like that Hagrid fellow from Harry Potter! – SH

What? You can remember characters from a film, but not that the earth goes around the sun? – JW

Not important John! I saw the guy on an advert a couple of days ago and haven't deleted him yet! Now help me! – SH

What am I meant to do? – JW

I don't know! Something! – SH

Sorry Sherlock, there's nothing I can do. Let me know how it goes wont you? – JW

I'm soo putting a body in your bed! – SH

Have fun now :) – JW

Idiot. – SH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 12. 05 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestrade, you have to help me! I've been kidnapped! – SH

What? When? – L

Just now, by my brother Mycroft. If you wait outside my family's country home, you can pick me up! – SH

Are you joking? – L

No! Help! – SH

Why is he taking you there? – L

He wants me to have lunch with out parents! – SH

What's wrong with that? – L

EVERYTHING! All they do is talk about the government! Its soo dull! – SH

Sorry, can't pick you up. You'll have to grin and bare it. – L

Fine. I'll remember this. – SH

What? – L

Sherlock? – L

Hello? –L

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 2.05 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John! I've escaped! I got a cab back to London and I'm on my way to your office. – SH

How did you escape? – JW

Through the bathroom window. For a family of genius', you'd think they'd lock it. – SH

Yeah. I'm just leaving now. I'll meet you outside. – JW

Right. – SH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 2.10 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

I honestly thought you could be trusted to go to the bathroom on your own. I stand corrected. Now, I'm sending my town car, get in it and when you come back, we'll pretend this never happened. Okay? – MH

I'm not coming back! I can see your men now. They won't catch me. – SH

Sherlock, would you stop running so quickly? My people are having trouble keeping up with you on the CCTV. – MH

No. – SH

Well, you nearly ran straight into that old lady to reply me. I should feel honoured. – MH

Don't. – SH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 2.16 pm between John Watson and Mycroft Holmes.**

Could you tell my brother to stop running? – MH

I've tried, I'm dying here! But he won't listen – JW

Right, well then, I suppose I better send out the men with tranquilisers. – MH

What? – JW

Not for you John, don't worry. – MH

Oh, ok. – JW

Where have you gone? We can't see you on CCTV anymore. – MH

This is Sherlock. PISS OFF! – SH

How lovely. Now, where are you? I can always trace your phone. – MH

No you can't. I removed the tracking devises and now I'm turning them off. Bye Mycroft. – SH

Sherlock, don't be silly. – MH

Sherlock? – MH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 2.19 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Sherlock? – MH

Very well, we'll have lunch with mummy and father another time. – MH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 8.12 pm between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Thanks for the help earlier. Now, how's your date with Sarah? – SH

I can't really be texting you now Sherlock, I'm in a restaurant. – JW

Right, just thought I'd let you know I just solved a case. – SH

And got slapped. – SH

Slapped? – JW

Indeed. By the wife. She made advances on me, I refused and she slapped me! Honestly, women. – SH

I'm sure you did something else to her. – JW

Did not! I swear, I turned her down so she hit me! I'll never understand women! – SH

I know you won't. Now, I'm on a date, speak soon. – JW

Bye. – SH

**Friday 10th December 2010 – messages started: 9.23 pm between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

Hey there handsome! Long time no speak! How are you? X – IA

… Hello. I'm fine thank you Irene. And yourself? – SH

I'm marvellous. In fact, I'm in your area. I though I might pop by? X – IA

Why? – SH

To see you of course! ;) x – IA

I repeat; why? – SH

Good. I'll be there in five minutes. X – IA

Wait, I didn't agree to this Irene. – SH

Irene? – SH

Answer the door honey x – IA

No. – SH

Its fine, Mrs Hudson did. Be right up. – IA

Damn Mrs Hudson. – SH

xXx

There you go, the next chapter :) like it?

Let me know please, then I'll write more :D


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n:** wow! This is becoming quite popular :D thanks guys :) thanks to everyone that reviewed, here's the next chapter.

Here are my replies to the people that reviewed without an account:

**Gen: **thanks! Good to know you think they're great :D here's more :) thanks for reviewing.

**Lils: **lol, fair play :) thanks for reviewing. YAY! You reviewed for me! I feel special, thanks :D

xXx

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 10.47 am text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, we're out of milk. Please get some immediately. – SH

I'm at work. I can't. – JW

Dull. Say there has been an emergency. – SH

No. I'm WORKING! – JW

Fine. I'll get some myself. – SH

Not sure that's a good idea. But, I suppose you should learn to shop by yourself one day. – JW

Indeed. – SH

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 11.02 am text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

This place is horrible! Why are there so many people? – SH

Because you're in a supermarket. People need groceries too Sherlock. – JW

Well, they shouldn't on the same day as me. It's unreasonable. – SH

Oh, well I'm sure they'll consider that next time they need to go shopping. – JW

Sarcasm is the lowest form of with John. – SH

Unless it's from you. – JW

Naturally. – SH

Whatever. Just don't buy half the store, okay? – JW

John! They have pop tarts! – SH

What are pop tarts? – SH

Don't buy them if you don't know what they are. – JW

Its okay, I'll figure it out when I get home. – SH

Look, I have a patient now, don't do anything stupid. – JW

Would I ever? – SH

No comment. – JW

Smooth John, real smooth. – SH

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 11.15 am text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestrade, I am currently in Asda. What is the difference between Coca Cola and Pepsi? – SH

Are you kidding? – L

Not at all. I'll just take both shall I? – SH

What for? – L

Nothing in particular. Though, I might conduct an experiment to see which gives off a sugar rush faster. – SH

Why? Seriously, why would you do that Sherlock? – L

I think I might buy some cat litter. – SH

Why? – L

Could be useful to soak up chemical spills. – SH

…right. – L

Would you happen to know which is better, sea salt, or regular? – SH

I have no idea. – L

Wait, why are you shopping? – L

John is at work. I was bored. This is actually rather interesting. So many different brands of everything. – SH

Yeah, okay Sherlock, whatever floats your boat. – L

I don't have a boat. Mycroft has several, I don't have any. They're exceedingly dull. I used to have one, Father bought it for me, but it sunk – L

How? – L

I wanted to see how long it would take for the sea water to flood through a 3mm hole in the boat which was drilled so that it was under the water by 2 metres. – SH

For such a bright guy, you're exceedingly stupid sometimes. – L

Right. I'll take that as a compliment. – SH

How could you possibly take that as a compliment? – L

You called me 'a bright guy' I have chosen to delete the rest of the sentence, therefore making it a compliment. – SH

Right. I'm going to get on with my job now. Have fun shopping. – L

Will do. – SH

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 11.23 am text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Sally Donovan.**

Just thought I'd let you know, I'm in the supermarket. – SH

Why do you tell the need to tell me this? – SD

In case you needed me to buy you something. – SH

What would I want you to buy me? – SD

I don't know, perhaps some rubber gloves? – SH

Rubber gloves? – SD

Yes, for scrubbing Anderson's floors. Oh, I could get you some polish? – SH

Not funny. – SD

Oh, I take it you're all stocked up then? – SH

Shut up freak! – SD

How many times Donovan? I'm not speaking to you, I'm texting. Honestly, they let anyone get into the force these days. – SH

Oh my god! You're so annoying! – SD

Well, that hurt Sally. That really hurt. Anyway, I suppose I'll ask again next time I happen to be in the supermarket. Bye bye now. – SH

Idiot – SD

Hardly. – SH

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 11.40 am text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

One of my people tells me you're shopping? – MH

Clever them. – SH

Why? – MH

We're out of milk. –SH

Doesn't John usually get it? – MH

Yes, but he's at work. There's actually quite a lot to choose from here. You'd like it. How's the diet? – SH

No, no, I have people to do that kind of thing for me. Its fine Sherlock.– MH

Well I hardly thought you'd be doing it. – SH

How are you getting on? – MH

Wonderfully. I started off with a basket but have progressed to a trolley. Did you know you can buy animal organs in here? – SH

Sorry? – MH

I can buy liver etc. – SH

Indeed. Experiments? – MH

Absolutely. – SH

Right. Anyway, I have to go, I've got papers to sign. Take care little brother. – MH

Hmm. – SH

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 12.30 pm text messages started between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Did you get the milk? – JW

Yes, and so much more! I bought some pot noodle. I figured you'd like those. – SH

I do. Thanks. – JW

No problem. When do you finish? – SH

At 4. – JW

Dull. See you when you get back. – SH

Yep. – JW

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 5.37 pm text messages started between John Watson and Lestrade.**

Did he tell you he went shopping? – JW

Yes. Why? – L

He's bought loads of fizzy drinks and downed them ALL – JW

Oh, right. Need some help? – L

Yes please. I think we need handcuffs. He's also found out he hates Jaffa cakes and loves pop tarts. – JW

Right, I'm on my way. Pop tarts? – L

Don't ask. – JW

Right. I'll be there in 10 minutes. – L

Thank you. He's trying to climb up the wall. Literally. – JW

Scratch that. I'll be there in 5. – L

Thanks. JW

**Monday 13****th**** December 2010 – 9.46 pm text messages started between John Watson and Lestrade.**

Thanks again for you help. He's still crashed out from the sugar rush wearing off. – JW

It's fine. It was quite funny when he decided he could fly. – L

Yeah I know. :) Thanks again for handcuffing him to the chair, that's how he fell asleep, trying to pull free. He was laughing the whole time, saying how he remembered being handcuffed to Mycroft when he was younger to make them get along. Apparently Sherlock tried to get the handcuffs off by attacking the chain with an axe. – JW

Now that would be funny to see. – L

I agree. Right, I'm going to get some sleep whilst it's still possible. I'll fill you in on more in the morning. – JW

Okay. Bye. – L

Bye. – JW

xXx

**a/n:** there you go guys, another chapter :D please let me know what you thought :D love all of you!


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n:** thanks to everyone that's been reviewing! It means a lot guys, thanks :D

here's thanks to the people who don't have accounts:

**jess:** glad you liked it :D here's more :)

**gen: **hehe! It would be quite funny… :D thanks for the compliment :) here's more

**The Improbable One: **really? You're parents liked this? :D thanks for reviewing and I'm thinking about doing a oneshot about Sherlock on sugar rush, what ya think? :)

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 10.39 am messages started between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Does Mrs Hudson have a mobile? – SH

No. why? – JW

I need a pen. I did try shouting. Where are you now? – SH

At work. – JW

Could you pop back to the flat? – SH

No, I'm not coming back to give you a pen. – JW

Why not? I'm sure work is dull anyway. – SH

I cant just come running whenever you need something! I need to make money. – JW

How dull. I could pay your half of the rent you know. – SH

I know you bloody could! I've seen the cheques you get for your work! But, I can pay for myself. – JW

You sure? – SH

Yes Sherlock. – JW

Dull. I'm bored. – SH

Well get up and get a pen then. – JW

Why? That wont stop me being bored. – SH

I thought you needed a pen? – JW

I did, but that doesn't mean I wont be bored. – SH

Right. whatever. Leave me alone for a bit, I've got a patient. – JW

Can I help? – SH

John? – SH

Hello? – SH

I'll take that as a no then. – SH

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 10.55 am messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

Hey Sherlock. How are you? x – IA

Irene. Why are you texting me? – SH

I'm thank you Sherlock. :) now, do I have to have a reason to text my favourite detective? X – IA

Yes. You do. – SH

Funny, because the only reason I have right now is that I missed you :) x – IA

Why? What's wrong with your latest husband? – SH

He's boring. And he snores. I'm getting the divorce papers sorted as we speak. x – IA

I see. And how much will you be taking from him? – SH

Oh, lets not talk about that. Now, what have you been up to since we last spoke? X –IA

Nothing of interest. Other than blowing a swimming pool and nearly getting John's girlfriend killed by a Chinese circus. How about you? The usual I suppose? – SH

Really? You certainly have an exciting life. Yes, the usual, been married twice, divorced once, next divorce on its way. Messy business. X – IA

I'm sure. – SH

Well, this has been a lovely chat. Oh, I'm in London in a couple of days. Perhaps I'll pop over on Christmas? X – IA

Why? – SH

Well, I imagine John will be going to Sarah's? then we cant have you on your own now, can we? X – IA

Why not? Why would you want to spend Christmas with me? – SH

Why wouldn't I? see you on Christmas day sweetie :) xx – IA

Right. I look forward to it. – SH

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 12.04 pm messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

I thought you'd be spending Christmas with the family? – MH

Why would I do that? – SH

And stop reading my messages. You creep. – SH

No can do little brother. Now, now, mummy will be upset if you don't show up. – MH

So what? It'll only end up in an argument anyway. – SH

So you'd rather spend it with a criminal? – MH

Well, lets put it this way: if I choose family, I have to leave my house and sit in a taxi. If I choose Irene, I don't have to go anywhere. Besides, she wont stay long. I'll have most of the day to myself to perform as many experiments as I like. – SH

You honestly think she wont stay long? – MH

Yes. Why? – SH

No reason. Very well, I shall let mummy know. – MH

Good. – SH

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 1.06 pm messages started between Sherlock Holmes and sally Donovan.**

Freak, Lestrade wants you to come to the Yard. – SD

Ah Sally, how are things with Anderson? – SH

Don't start. Just get your ass over here. – SD

I'm sorry Sally, but I don't own a donkey. Is there any other animals he would prefer me to bring? I think next door have a dog? – SH

Haha very funny. Just get over here. – SD

If Lestrade needs me, he can contact me. – SH

Why are you being stubborn? I'm sure you're bored freak. – SD

Indeed I am. But you see, I don't like to do what you say, and I would much rather be asked by Lestrade. – SH

Idiot. – SD

You really shouldn't put yourself down, you weren't to know. – SH

Oh my god! – SD

You called? – SH

…. No comment. – SD

Right-o. –SH

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 1.12 pm messages started between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Sherlock, could you please come to the Yard? The super would like to talk to you. – L

Why? – SH

I'm not sure. But he really wants you to come in. – L

Right. I'll be half an hour. – SH

Thanks. – L

No problem.

**Monday 20****th**** December 2010 – 2.38 pm messages started between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Have you finished work? I'm in a taxi, I could pick you up? – SH

Yeah, I finish in 20 mins. – JW

Right. you'll never guess what just happened to me – SH

What? – JW

Wow. You didn't even attempt a guess. I'm disappointed. Anyway, what happened was: I got called into the Yard, Lestrade told me that the super wanted to talk to me. Turns out, it was the super trying to convince me to join the Yard! How dull. – SH

They really thought you'd join? JW

Apparently. It was very amusing. He was on the verge of begging. – SH

Begging? Wow. How odd. – JW

Indeed. Anyhow, I forgot to tell you, earlier I may have accidently exploded some eyeballs in the microwave. – SH

Great. You're cleaning it up! – JW

Mrs Hudson has done it, don't worry. – SH

You made Mrs Hudson clean it up? – JW

Indeed. I told her they were pickled onions. – SH

Pickled onions? And she believed you? – JW

Yes. It appears Mrs Hudson's eyes aren't quite what they used to be. She didn't even notice the head in the fridge when she opened it to put in the milk. – SH

There's another head in the fridge? For Christ's sake Sherlock! – JW

What? Where else was I meant to put him? – SH

In the morgue? With the other dead bodies! – JW

But then I would have to travel back and forth to the morgue everyday to check on him! – SH

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't think of that! – JW

Sarcasm doesn't work very well in text John. It just makes you look like you seriously are sorry. – SH

I'm finished. Are you there? – JW

Yes. I'm waiting outside. The taxi driver keeps eyeing me up, please hurry. – SH

Ha! I'm on my way. – JW

Thanks. – SH

There you go :) so, is there anything in particular you want to happen? Any conversations you want to see? Please, give me some suggestions. I'm running out of ideas, and you guys seem to be enjoying this so I'd love to carry it on. :D please review :D


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: ****thanks to everyone that reviewed :D I'm glad you're all liking this story.**

**Replies to people who didn't sign in:**

**Barn and co: ****thanks for the ideas! They are really good :D I'll use them :) **

**Gen:**** thanks for reviewing again :D I'm glad you liked it :) thanks for the ideas :) I'll use them too :) **

**Prompts for this story come from: Barn and co, Gen, doctorcoffeegirl and Maira Blue (thanks :D)**

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 9.59 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and mummy Holmes.**

Sherlock! Why aren't you coming to Christmas dinner? – mummy

Because I don't want to. – SH

That's not a good enough reason. Mycroft says you're spending it with a woman! – mummy

Yes I am. Is there a problem? – SH

Yes there's a problem Sherlock! You're supposed to be with your family on Christmas. – mummy

Yes well, if I went to spend Christmas with you, I'd have to leave the house. This way, I can stay inside in the warm. Besides, its best this way anyway, Christmas always ends up in an argument. – SH

That's not the point! You could just try not flicking food at Mycroft, then there wouldn't be an argument! – mummy

Dull. – SH

No it isn't! stop being so childish! – mummy

I have to go now. I have interesting people to speak to. – SH

Sherlock! Don't even think about it! – mummy

Sherlock! – mummy

Fine. I'll get Mycroft to bring you over some Christmas pudding on boxing day. – mummy

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 10.30 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, I take it you're still spending Christmas with Sarah? – SH

Yeah, why? – JW

No reason. If you find me dead on boxing day, find Irene Adler. – SH

What? Why would you be dead? – JW

Ok, so maybe dead is exaggerating, perhaps rendered unconscious would be more accurate. – SH

Seriously, what are you going on about? – JW

On Christmas, Irene Adler is coming to 221B, I will be alone as you will be with Sarah, and she is bound to take advantage of that fact. – SH

So, she'll drug you? What for? – JW

You don't want to know John. – SH

Why not? – JW

Never mind, I think I got it :D – JW

What's with the -:D-? – SH

No reason. Just… no, no reason :D – JW

There is it again! What are you getting at man? – SH

Its just, didn't she handcuff you naked to a bed once? – JW

Yes. I assure you, that will not happen again. – SH

Sure it wont… - JW

It wont! I wont allow it! – SH

Like you didn't last time? – JW

It. Wont. Happen. – SH

Whatever you say Sherlock. – JW

There, now you're getting it. Anyway, what time do you finish? – SH

12 today because it isn't that busy. – JW

Good. I need you to help me put up the tree. – SH

You're putting up a tree? – JW

Yes. Mrs Hudson said if I didn't then she would stay home for Christmas instead of going to her sisters to make me play party games! – SH

How terrible of her. Right, I gotta go. Cya at around 12.30. – JW

Right. – SH

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 11.34 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper.**

Hey Sherlock x – M

Hello Molly. – SH

Got any interesting cases? – M

No. – SH

Oh, so I guess you're bored then? – SH

Not entirely. – SH

Oh that's ok then. Because there's nothing at the morgue today. – M

Interesting. – SH

So, would you like to grab a coffee with me sometime? – M

I thought we did that already? – SH

I meant like, after work. – M

Oh, sorry, but I'm expecting a new case from Mycroft soon, so I wont have a lot of time. – SH

No problem. Perhaps another time then. – M

Perhaps. – SH

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 11.47 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Using me as an excuse not to go on a date Sherlock? Tut, tut. – MH

Do you honestly have nothing better to do than to read my messages? Don't you have countries to invade or something? – SH

Oh I have plenty of other things to be doing, but keeping an eye on you is the only thing I wouldn't have my 'people' as you call them, do for me. Its far too entertaining. – MH

How? How is anything I do, more interesting than… MI6 or whatever it is you look after? – SH

Because you're my little brother. Oh, and for the record, that was very rude of you earlier, ignoring mummy like that. – MH

So what? I honestly couldn't care less. Now, goodbye Mycroft. – SH

Goodbye Sherlock. – MH

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 12.02 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

So, who's this Molly you've been texting? X – IA

How do you know I've been texting Molly? – SH

I have my ways. So, who is she? X – IA

Someone jealous? – SH

That's not an answer to my question. X – IA

Neither was that an answer to mine. – SH

So, who is she? X – IA

She works at the morgue, no-one for you to worry about Irene. She just has a bit of a… fascination for me. – SH

I see. Well, is John still at Sarah's for Christmas? X – IA

Yes. What exactly do you have planned? – SH

Nothing sinister Sherlock. Just a nice meal and a few drinks. X – IA

I'm not eating or drinking anything you offer me. Not after last time. – SH

Sherlock, its Christmas. You really believe I would pull a stunt like that? X – IA

I wouldn't put it past you, no. – SH

Well, you're lucky I'm not easily offended. I'll be over at 10 am. X – IA

Very well. – SH

See you then sweetie. X – IA

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 8.05 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Sherlock? I'm at the pub and Sarah has gone off somewhere, she said she'll be back soon, but there's this guy who keeps flirting with me. – JW

What do you expect me to do about it? I'm led on the sofa! – SH

Don't you have any idea of how to… make him go away? – JW

Punch him? – SH

WITHOUT violence. – JW

Tell him you are straight and waiting for your girlfriend. – SH

Ok, that didn't work. Now he's saying about how I shouldn't hide in the closet, to let myself go :S – JW

Say to him slowly; I. am. Straight. I'm. not. Interested. – SH

That didn't work either! I've texted Sarah, and she said she's just trying to speak to her friend, help. – JW

Just walk away. – SH

I cant! He follows me! – JW

Tell him to back off or you'll get him thrown out. – SH

That didn't work he said, and I quote; "why don't you do the honours?" whilst attempting to grope me. – JW

Well, you seem to be in quite the pickle there John. – SH

Sherlock! Just help me damnit! – JW

I don't know what you want me to do! Where are you anyway? – SH

I cant remember the name of the pub. But its near Mayfair. – JW

Right, well, why don't you just say you need to make a phone call and leave? – SH

Because I tried that but he followed me out! I don't want to leave yet because I'm meant to be waiting with Sarah, and he'll probably follow me! – JW

Hmm, call Sarah and explain to her your situation. – SH

I did but she laughed and said hold on tight. – JW

My, my, John. Well, I'm sure you'll figure something out. – SH

Sherlock! Cant you come and help me? – JW

Why? I'm at home! You expect me to get up, catch a cab and some all the way over there, because you're too scared to get away from a man? – SH

Yes. Please? – JW

I don't know… - SH

If you do, I'll get Mrs Hudson to give you back your skull and I'll stop taking my laptop off you when you use it. Oh, and I'll get the milk for the next year! – JW

Fine. I'm on my way, I think I know what pub you're talking about. – SH

Thank you sooo much! – JW

**Wednesday 22****nd**** December 2010 – 9.27 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

So, how were things after I left? – SH

You mean besides every girl in the place asking for your number? – JW

Why on earth would they do that? – SH

Apparently, you're 'the type of man everyone woman wants' according to a few of them. The rest thought you were a 'hunk' or thought you were really 'brave and commanding' even though the guy you scared the crap out of was twice your size. – JW

I only told him what I saw! Anyone could do it! – SH

Sherlock, you told him and the rest of the pub that the reason his dad was an alcoholic was because he was bored of his wife! Then you told him that the reason he came out of the closet was because of an inappropriate interaction with his music teacher in school! I don't think anyone could have told that! – JW

It was simple! Honestly, you're all so vacant! You see but you don't observe and it's the biggest problem with people. – SH

Right. I feel sorry for you, having to be surrounded by idiots all the time. – JW

You don't need to apologize John, its not your fault your brains aren't as powerful as mine. – SH

Sure. Right, I gotta go. – JW

Good bye John. – SH

Cya. – JW

**a/n: ****yeah I know that the whole Irene handcuffing him naked to a bed thing was from the movie, but I couldn't resist not putting it in, so you're just gonna have to bear with me :D anyway, what did ya think? Let me know please. **

**Also, the Christmas one will be up probably by the end of today or tomorrow because I am NOT writing it on Christmas, ok? :D hope you enjoyed this instalment anyway.**


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: ****hey again :D I'm doing the Christmas day chapter now because I wont have time to do it tomorrow coz I'll be working on other fics etc. and there's no way I'm writing on Christmas lol. **

**Replies to people that didn't sign in:**

**Gen:**** hello again ;D glad you're still liking this :) same! I loved it in the movie when he was handcuffed lol. It was really funny. If you think about it, Clarkie had to get the key… lol :D thanks for reviewing again, hope you like this chapter.**

**Vilentiel:**** well, here it is ;D hope you like it and thanks fir reviewing :)**

**The English one:**** sorry about that :/ I didn't realise they were American words. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it other than that :) hope you like this chapter.**

**Prompts for this story come from: Barn and co, Gen, doctorcoffeegirl and Maira Blue (they suggested a few ideas that could only be used in this chapter as well as some for the last chapter)**

**Saturday 25****th**** December 2010 – 8.47 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Mycroft, stop pointing that CCTV camera at my window! – SH

I don't know what you're talking about brother. – MH

Did you just raise your middle finger at me? – MH

I thought you didn't know what I was talking about? – SH

I don't. – MH

Well, you messed that up, didn't you Mycroft? – SH

Not at all little brother. – MH

Put it this way, turn that camera away from my house or I will not be held responsible for my actions. – SH

I still don't know what you are talking about. I'm at mummy's. – MH

I'm sure you're using your phone or something. So, for the last time, point it away! – SH

I still have no idea what you're talking about. – MH

What did you just do to that camera? – MH

I don't know what you're talking about, brother. – SH

Fine, I'll pretend that didn't happen. – MH

I just broke that camera! How is it fixed already? – SH

My people work fast. – MH

So do I. – SH

Whatever are you talking about now Sherlock? – MH

How have you taken out ALL cameras surrounding Baker Street? – MH

I've done nothing, dear brother of mine. – SH

Sherlock! What have you done? My people can't get them back online. – MH

Oh dear, I think you need new people. – SH

Fine, have it your way. Fix the cameras and I'll leave you be. – MH

All of them. – MH

Sherlock, that includes the one across the street. – MH

Ah, ah, ah Mycroft. That one will be repaired when I see fit. – SH

Oh, and by the way, I found your bugs. You won't be hearing anything through them now. – SH

You broke them? They cost a lot of money Sherlock. Tut, tut. – MH

Shouldn't have put them in my flat then should you? – SH

A camera? Honestly? – SH

Sherlock, what did you just do to that camera? – MH

Ripped it off the wall and through it out the window. – SH

Well, I see. I'm surprised it took you that long to find it. It's been in your room for two days. – MH

I haven't _been_ in my room for _three_ days Mycroft. – SH

I see. Well, mummy misses you. – MH

Interesting. Now, I have to go. Good bye, say hello to mummy and father for me. – SH

Will do. Good bye Sherlock. – MH

**Saturday 25****th**** December 2010 – 9.46 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

I'm on my way sweetie. X – IA

Front door's open. – SH

Thank you honey. X – IA

What's with the pet names? – SH

No reason for them, darling. X – IA

Right… - SH

**Saturday 25****th**** December 2010 – 9.53 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Just to let you know, Mycroft bugged the flat. I got rid of all the bugs, there were a couple of microphones in your room and a camera. They're all gone now. – SH

Are you kidding? He bugged my room! – JW

Yes. You might want to check for bugs regularly from now on. Anyway, merry Christmas. – SH

Merry Christmas, hope you and Irene have fun ;) – JW

Not funny John. Nothing is going to happen. Now, good bye. – SH

Bye. :D – JW

JOHN! – SH

**Saturday 25****th**** December 2010 – 1.23 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Hey John! Irene boght a turkey! It was masive. O, gess wat? I LOVE voka! – SH

You mean vodka? Are you drunk? – JW

Noooooo how cld ou even fink that? I'm assaulted! – SH

Do you even realise how many spelling mistakes you're making? And I take it you mean insulted, not assaulted? – JW

Yes! That would be wat I mean! Ave you ever tries eggnig? – SH

Eggnog, yes. Eggnig, no. – JW

Ohh sorrrry John! Irene keeps givin me drunks! Lots and lots of drunks! – SH

Drinks. I think you've had enough. You can't spell anything! – JW

I can! I can sell hydrocarbons and pikle! – SH

Wow, how can you manage to spell hydrocarbons right but not pickle? Seriously. And I take it you meant 'I can SPELL…' not 'sell'? – JW

Yep. Oh, by the waay, I brok the coffeee table. – SH

What? How? – JW

I fell over and lande on it. I hit my head tooo. – SH

Aww, poor you. – JW

Sarcasm is the lowest form of tit John. – SH

Lowest form of tit? I'm not so sure about that. – JW

Wit! I meant wit! Irene says I ave to stoop textin yu now coz she wants to dance or somfink. Bye bye joohn – SH

Oh god. – JW

**Saturday 25****th**** December 2010 – 2.30 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestrad! Ave yu got any cases? – SH

Sherlock? What's wrong with your spelling? And no, it's Christmas! – L

Soooo? Why do criminals take a rake at christmass? – SH

A rake? What? – L

Break! I sed break! – SH

No, you really didn't. what's wrong with you? – L

Absolutely nofing. I'm just teachy. – SH

what? – L

peachy, I'm jus peachy. – SH

are you… drunk? – L

no! why do everone kep askin me that? – SH

maybe because you cant spell anything? – L

I had this conversastin wit John! I can! I can spell deoxyribonucleic acid! (DNA for you mere mortars) – SH

Mortars? You mean mortals? Seriously, only you could manage to spell some big scientific word when drunk, but not simple words. – L

I can spell simle wurds! Banna see? – SH

You mean banana? – L

That's wat I sed. Yu ned glasses lestrad – SH

No, I don't Sherlock. – L

Whateve yu sat. oohhh, I forgut! Merry crimas! – SH

Merry Christmas to you too, Sherlock. – L

Bye bye – SH

Bye Sherlock. – L

**Sunday 26****th**** December 2010 – 8.09 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. **

John. I need your help. – SH

Sherlock, its good to see you're not drunk now, but its early, wait till later. – JW

I cant! I need your help now! – SH

Why? – JW

I'd rather not discuss it now. Just get back to the flat asap. – SH

Not without a reason. – JW

Fine, she's done it again, just hurry up. – SH

Done what? – JW

Oh! Ha! How are you texting then? – JW

She left the phone in my hand, now please hurry up. Its not exactly comfortable. – SH

I'll be over later. – JW

JOHN! I cant stay like this! As soon as you let me go, you can go back to Sarah's – SH

Please? – SH

Fine, since you said please. I'll be right over. Don't go anywhere. ;) – JW

Funny. – SH

**Sunday 26****th**** December 2010 – 10.00 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

Hey sweetie, yesterday was fun ;) x – IA

You are NEVER coming over again. Ever. – SH

Come on Sherlock, we both know that's not true. X – IA

I mean it! – SH

Why? You didn't seem to mind me being there yesterday. X – IA

Or last night, for that matter. X – IA

Not funny Irene. Why you feel to handcuff me every time, I'll never know. – SH

What can I say? Its just too hard to resist x. –IA

I'll remember that next time I catch you. – SH

I look forward to it ;)x – IA

I'm talking about that woman! I mean, I wont let you go next time. See how you like being in handcuffs. – SH

It depends who put them on me really. X –IA

What? – SH

Oh, I wouldn't be putting them on you after… that. I mean to have you arrested woman, get your head out of the gutter! – SH

So, any plans for new years eve? X – IA

Are you joking? – SH

Not at all honey. Shall I come over for some fireworks? ;) x – IA

No. – SH

Excellent, I'll see you then. X – IA

I said no woman! – SH

By for now Sherlock. See you on the 29th xxx – IA

Not if I see you first. – SH

;P x – IA

Woman! – SH

Love you too Sherlock. X – IA

Ergh! Women! – SH

I thought I was '_the woman_'? x – IA

This conversation is over. – SH

Okay sweetie, see you on the 29th xx – IA

Wonderful. – SH

**Sunday 26****th**** December 2010 – 11.06 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

How's your head Sherlock? – L

Fine. – SH

What? No hangover? You seemed pretty wasted. – L

No, I don't get hangovers. – SH

Really? Well that doesn't seem fair. Everyone gets hangovers. – L

Clearly not. – SH

Well, that just isn't right. – L

Sorry to say it Lestrade, but, it seems I am simply superior in not only mind, but body too. – SH

Do you need a pump? – L

What on earth are you on about? – SH

To inflate your head more? – L

Ah, I see. That was a poor joke. Now, any cases? – SH

No. sorry. – L

How dull. – SH

**Sunday 26****th**** December 2010 – 12.09 am text messages continue between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Sherlock, new case. A man dressed as Santa has been found dead round the back of a department store. – L

Excellent! Some festive crime. I'll be right there. Send me the address. – SH

**a/n:**** there we go. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you want to happen next please :D thanks to everyone that is reading this, if you review, virtual cookies will be sent! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n:**** wow! You guys really like this story! :D I'm having fun writing it, so looks like we're all happy XD thanks to everyone that's reviewed so far :) it means a lot :D**

**review replies to people who didn't sign in:**

**barn and co:**** I know hehe :) I couldn't resist Irene handcuffing him, even though that happened in the film… oh well :D lol. Thanks for the ideas btw :D they're really good.**

**Jess:**** good idea! he would be pretty annoyed lol. And I'm British and I always say merry Christmas and so does everyone I know. I don't think I've heard many people say happy Christmas lol.**

**Klester:**** here you go :) more XD**

**(didn't leave a name): **** glad you found it funny :D hope you like this**

**(didn't leave a name):**** yep, I did update :) hope you like this**

**Lils:**__**thanks for reviewing and I hope you're feeling all better? Really? Awesome :D im glad to know I made your xmas afternoon better :) happy Christmas to you too (even if it's a lil late lol) hope you like this.**

**Gen:**** thanks :D glad you like it :)lets see what happens shall we?... :D**

**Thanks to the ppl who prompted me with some ideas :D some of the guys up there ^ helped me out :D**

**xXx**

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 9.26 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Need you to come home. Emergency. – SH

What's happened? – JW

Someone has broken into the flat and stolen my scarf. – SH

Are you serious? – JW

Yes. Get home immediately. – JW

Is anything else missing? – JW

No. – SH

You really think someone would just break in and steal your scarf and not the laptops? – JW

It is a very nice scarf John. – SH

Yes, but no one would break in to steal it. You've probably lost it. – SH

Have not! – SH

Oh wait, I found it. – SH

Where was it? – JW

Mrs Hudson was washing it. – SH

Really? So you didn't lose it? – JW

No. – SH

So if I asked Mrs Hudson, she would tell me she was washing it? – JW

Yes. – SH

Right, I'll check when I get home. – JW

Fine! I lost it! – SH

Ha. Where was it then? – JW

In the freezer. – SH

I'm not even going to ask. – JW

Good idea. – SH

John? What is this mud that is in the tea bags? – SH

It's a different type of tea Sherlock, not mud. – JW

Its revolting. I'm disgusted. – SH

Its healthier. – JW

I'm perfectly healthy thank you John. – SH

Sure. Look, just drink it. – JW

No thank you. Please never buy this… excrement again. – SH

Fine. Have it your way. – JW

Excellent. – SH

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 10.07 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Oh, have you seen my coat? I think someone's stolen it. – SH

Jesus Sherlock! I took it to the dry cleaners! – JW

Why? – SH

You asked me to. – JW

Did I? – SH

Yeah, the other day. – JW

Really? I don't recall asking you. Hmm… where was I? – SH

On the sofa. You had your eyes clothes, facing up, and you said; 'take my coat to the dry cleaners.' – JW

Oh. I must've been asleep. – SH

So it doesn't need dry cleaning? – JW

No, I had it don't the other week. – SH

Right. – JW

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 10.15 am text messages start between Mycroft Holmes and John Watson.**

John, I need to ask you for a favour. – MH

Sure. What is it? – JW

I need you to put a few cameras up in your flat. – MH

You're joking? – JW

Not at all. – MH

No. – JW

Why not? – MH

Because I live there too! – JW

Yes? – MH

I don't want your people watching me all the time. – JW

Very well. – MH

You're gonna put them up anyway aren't you? – JW

Indeed. – MH

Wonderful. – JW

It is, isn't it? – MH

That was sarcasm. – JW

Oh I know. – MH

I'm at work, good bye. – JW

Good bye for now John. – MH

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 11.04 am text messages start between Mycroft Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestrade, this is Mycroft Holmes. I need to ask you to do something for me. – MH

How did you get my number? – L

I can get everyone's number. Now, could you possibly give me any information on Sherlock? – MH

What do you mean? – L

What has he been up to lately? – MH

Why do you need to know? – L

Brotherly duties. I only need to know what he has been doing on cases. Most of them I cant see him from the CCTV cameras you see. – MH

You watch him with CCTV? – L

Indeed. He worries me. – MH

Right, well, there isn't much to say. He winds up Anderson and Donovan and solves the cases. That's literally all. – L

Shame. Well, I'll be in touch. Good luck on the new case. – MH

How did you know I had a new case? – L

I know everything. – MH

… right. – L

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 6.14 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, we need more milk and I wont be home when you finish. – SH

If you wont be home, why cant you get milk on the way back? – JW

Because I wont be back tonight. – SH

Why not? – JW

Well, apparently mummy was rather upset about me not going to Christmas dinner, so Mycroft asked me to go have dinner with them. Naturally, I said no and he had his goons kidnap me. Very childish if you ask me. – SH

They actually managed to get you this time? Wow, they're getting better. – JW

Not really. There were 15 of them, 5 of which had guns. They surrounded me and I punched a couple, but one shoved a gun in my face whilst another put a rag covered in chloroform over my mouth. I woke up on a train. – SH

15 of them? Whoa, your brother really doesn't understand the word no. – JW

That's why he's fat. He doesn't turn down food. Anyway, no idea when I'm back. – SH

Are you even in this country? – JW

I am currently. Not for much longer though. – SH

What do you mean? – JW

I believe we are headed for Mycroft's private jet to take us to Spain. – SH

Why Spain? – JW

That's where my parents currently are. Taking a break or something boring like that. – SH

Wow. If I had to get kidnapped, (again) I wish they would take me to Spain. – JW

Really? – SH

Yeah. It's hardly the worst place they could take you. – JW

But Mycroft's with me. It will be hell. – SH

How are you texting me if you've been abducted? – JW

Mycroft let me keep my phone because he knows I'll just steal another one anyway. – SH

How thoughtful. Anyway, gotta go, I'm having a meal with Sarah. – JW

Have fun. – SH

**Wednesday 29****th**** December 2010 – 7.23 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Are you not at the flat? – L

Unfortunately, no. but, I do need to speak to you. I would like to report a kidnapping. – SH

Oh, fire away. What's the details? – L

Well, as you know, I didn't spend Christmas with my family. I was sat on my laptop earlier and at exactly 12.04 pm 15 men entered my flat. 5 were equipped with guns. They knocked me out with chloroform and I am currently being transported to Spain in a jet. – SH

Bloody hell! Do you have any idea who's involved? – L

Mycroft. – SH

Huh? – L

Mycroft has kidnapped me. – SH

Why? – L

He wants me to have dinner with him and the family. – SH

Wow, um, not much I can do about that I'm afraid. – L

Arrest him? – SH

No point. He'd be let out straight away and then I'd lose my job. – L

So? At least I'd be able to escape. I'd get you your job back. – SH

Rather not risk it. Sorry. – L

Wonderful! Now I'll have to pretend not to notice them all watching me across the table! – SH

They watch you across the table? – L

Yes! I think they believe I will run any second. – SH

They are correct of course, but no need to stare. Oh, and they have a big thug follow me around the house, put alarms on my bedroom window, the floor outside my bedroom window, on the roof, on the floor of my bedroom near the door and window so they know if I'm trying to escape AND they have the place rigged with security guards and cameras! It's like being in prison! – SH

Wow. They really want you to stay when you visit. – L

It's horrid! I feel like playing the theme tune to great escape as I escape. – SH

You know the theme tune to great escape? – L

Wait! You CAN escape from that? – L

Indeed, John made me watch it. And yes, I can. It's child's play really. – SH

Whoa. You amaze me everyday. Anyway, I've gotta go. I did have a case for you, but I'll have to figure it out. – L

If you still need help in a couple of days, I'll be there. Once I've had the meal, I shall escape at night and work my way back. The owner of the nearest air port in Spain owes me a favour, so I should be able to get back soon. – SH

Everyone owes you a favour. Right. I'll see you soon then. – L

Indeed you shall. – SH

**a/n:**** there ya go :D sorry about the wait, but it's been Christmas and I've been busy :D hope you all had a good one. I hope you liked this and please review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: ok, I'm really sorry for the long wait, and now the timeline's out, but I got distracted by new ipod and forgot to update. So, in the hope that you'll forgive me, this will be updated again really soon :D**

**also, I noticed that in another chapter, I wrote how Irene said 'see you on the 29****th****' when they were talking about new year's eve. I messed up the dates lol. Soz.**

**thanks to the reviewers that didn't sign in:**

**barn and co: ****thanks for reviewing again :D I'm really glad you're still enjoying this :) and thanks for the prompts, I'll see if I can get them in some when :)**

**detectiveatwork: **** thank you sooo much! That is really cool that you think that :D I hope you like this one too :)**

**sid: ****yay! :) glad you liked it, and sorry if I killed you with laughter, I didn't mean to :)**

**morgan: ****I'm glad you liked that bit, I liked it too :D thanks for the review**

**jess: ****thanks :) hope you like this one too **

**xXx**

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 10.29 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, I'm on my way home, I managed to escape. – SH

Really? How? – JW

It wasn't as easy as other years, I have to admit. I snuck downstairs, after dismantling all of the alarms using a device I pick pocketed from Mycroft, and went to leave through the kitchen, as I usually do, but Mycroft was sat waiting for me. So, I ran. He didn't chase me, for obvious reasons, but he did have his goons give it a good shot. For CIA, they are surprisingly unfit. – SH

You out ran a group of CIA agents? – JW

Yes. It wasn't as difficult as I originally thought. Then, another problem arose, Mycroft put every single airport in the world on look out for me, along with every cruise ship etc. So I had to pull in a favour with a guy who's case I solved once when on holiday in my teens, he drove me on his boat back to England, at one point I had to hide as they had people searching the boats! Can you imagine? – SH

Sadly, yes I can. What happened then? Where are you now? – JW

I'm on way back. I'm currently heading down the Thames. – SH

Really? So you'll be back soon then? – JW

Indeed. – SH

You realise I'm going to Sarah's tonight, don't you? – JW

… I did not. – SH

Well, I'm sure Irene will be stopping by. – JW

Sadly, yes she is. I can't seem to get rid of her. – SH

I've noticed. When do you think you'll be back? – JW

Within the hour. – SH

Right, see you then. – JW

Indeed. – SH

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 10.36 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestrade, just to let you know, I'm back in London if you still require my assistance with that case? – SH

That case has been handled, but there is another case, looks like a serial killing. – L

Wait! How'd you get back? – L

I escaped. – SH

How? – L

I cannot be bothered to type it all out again, so I'll forward you what I sent John. – SH

_Message forwarded from Sherlock Holmes to Lestrade._

Bloody hell Sherlock! I can't imagine what being in your family is like. – L

I would advise you against trying, you would most likely be scarred. – SH

Most likely. Come to the yard as soon as you can. – L

Will do. – SH

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 11.09 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

That was not a very nice thing to Sherlock, mummy is upset now. – MH

I honestly don't care Mycroft. You shouldn't have held me hostage. – SH

How else would I have got you here? – MH

That's the point! You wouldn't have! – SH

Exactly, at least this way mummy got to see you before you disappeared. – MH

Speaking of such, your people aren't very fit for CIA – SH

I know, they have all been fired from my service. At least until they can run faster and longer than you, that is. – MH

Well, I haven't even been trained. They should be ashamed. Just who _are_ you letting join the CIA these days? Very shoddy. – SH

Oh, I know. I shall be having words with the men in charge of training. Now, who was that man that helped you escape? – MH

He owed me a favour. I tried getting in contact with an old client of mine that owed me a favour, who works at the air port, but apparently they have all be ordered to take me into custody on sight. – SH

Oh, I wonder what for. – MH

Funny. I have to go. There's a case on. – SH

I see. I'll watch and see how it goes. – MH

I know. Creep. – SH

I'm your older brother Sherlock, it is my duty. – MH

Whatever, you just need a new hobby. One which doesn't involve me. – SH

Thank you for the advice, dearest brother, but I think I'll stick with this one. – MH

Thought as much. – SH

I know. – MH

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 11.33 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

We have a case, be outside. – SH

Ok. – JW

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 12.44 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

I wish you wouldn't run off like that all the time without telling me where you're going. – JW

It's not my fault you can't keep up with my brain. – SH

I know, but you could of at least not locked Anderson in the bathroom! It took ages to get him out! Although, it was pretty funny. – JW

I know. Hence why I did it. – SH

Apparently you have to 'wait until I get my hands on him…!' he's making threats now. – JW

Oh, I'm terrified. Tell him to man up. – SH

I'm not there anymore, Lestrade texted me. – JW

I see. When are you going to Sarah's? – SH

4, why? – JW

I need you to go to Bart's and look at a Mr Steve Johnson's body. – SH

Why aren't you doing that? – JW

I already have. I just want you to have another look. – SH

Why? I doubt you've missed anything. – JW

I know. But, you might enjoy it. – SH

Oh, I'm bursting with excitement. I'm on my way there now – JW

Excellent, let me know what you find.

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 1.14 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

So, what did you see? – SH

A dead body. – JW

Oh John, you're wasted as a doctor, you should have been in comedy. – SH

Thanks. – JW

Sarcasm John. Now, what did you see? – JW

*rolls eyes* that he was strangled before the poison was administered, and then he was sliced across the chest, after the poison had taken effect. – JW

What's with the '*rolls eyes*'? well done John, you missed out a bit, but never mind, you're learning. Now, I just need to make sure I lose this guy then I'll be back to the flat. – SH

What guy? – JW

One of Mycroft's goons seems to think he can catch me. – SH

I see. See you back at the flat. – JW

Mhmm. – SH

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 3.44 pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

When shall I come over sweetie? X – IA

If I say never, what will you do? – SH

Come anyway, and you know that. ;) x – IA

I had a suspicion, yes. Very well, John is going to Sarah's at 4, so whenever you feel like it, I suppose. – SH

Great, I'll see you in half an hour honey. X – IA

Again with the pet names. Why? – SH

Again, no reason sugar. X – IA

I see, you're doing it to wind me up. It doesn't work. – SH

Sure it doesn't, babe x – IA

Ok, that one was a stretch too far. I'll see you later. Unless I disappear. – SH

Then I'll have to find you, won't I petal? X – IA

Petal? Oh dear god! – SH

See you soon darling. Xx – IA

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 10.29 am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Lestrade and Mycroft Holmes.**

Here's a warning, Irene is coming over tonight, so you may receive drunk text messages from me. – SH

Why not just refuse to drink? – L

She spikes whatever I drink then. Tea, water, anything. Either that or she forces it down me. – SH

A woman, forces it down you? – L

You haven't met her. And you don't want to know how she gets me to open my mouth. It's rather… inappropriate shall we say. – SH

Nice. – L

Just got your text. Look forward to it :D – JW

Why? You strange man. You'll be drunk too, I shall expect some from you as well. – SH

Oh… damn. – JW

Don't get too drunk little brother, I need you to call mummy. – MH

No thank you. – SH

It wasn't a question. – MH

An order? Please Mycroft, they don't work on me, you know that. – SH

Unfortunately yes I do. – MH

Right, she's here. Wish me luck gentlemen. And John, we need more milk. – SH

I'm not buying milk! – JW

Good luck though. :D – JW

Good luck Sherlock. – L

**xXx**

**a/n: well, what ya'll think? Drunk texting from Sherlock and John? let me know what you want please :D and please review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n: OMG! I know, I'm a b*tch. I said I'd update soon, but I forgot. So sue me. On second thoughts, please don't. I'm in school and don't have a job, so you wouldn't get much. But, I digress. On with the review replies:**

**Barn and co: ****glad you liked it ;) thanks for the suggestions, they're great ideas :) hope you like this chapter.**

**Gen:**** thank you so much! :D I'm really glad you liked it that much :) hope you like this one too :)**

**Thanks to everyone that suggested ideas and I hope you like what I did with them.**

** xXx**

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 9.40pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Jhoon! Irene has th besst alcowhole everr! Its likee 777777% or sumfink! – SH

Youurr drink shrlok – JW

Ooo! So r you! – SH

Am not! M perfectelyy soober! Thankyoo! – JW

We al knw that wood be a bigg faat lie. Howws sara? – SH

Sarah id fiine. Hows irenee? – JW

She;s givin me funny looks. Aparantley I eed more too drunk. I dnt thnk I could possibley drunk abymore though. – SH

I knw hooww ou feel. Sarah wantss mee too druink moore, but I caant. – SH

Women. Hoo needs em? – SH

Well, therr wldnt be any peple if there was noo women. – JW

We wld find a way to make em witout women! Then we wldnt get naaggeed any more! – SH

Who nagging ou? – JW

Irene! She keps forcin drinks on me. – SH

Ohh riggght. – JW

Ohh, wen yo come bak, don't min jeff in the fridge. – SH

Jeff? – JW

Indeedd. He wll be stayin iwt us for a whilee. – SH

Ohh a heed? – JW

Yeepp. A ugly onne too. But I cnt be piky. They dnt jst gve head to anyone at barts you knwo. – SH

Ha! U sed they dnt give head to anyone lol. Whhooo gves it? Molly? – SH

I dnt nderstand. – SH

Oh! Oh dear gaod! No. jst no. – SH

Hehe u sre? – JW

Qute sre. – SH

Iss that jst fer Irene then? – JW

Yess. – SH

I'm kidddn john. no s not. Fer no body. – JW

Suuuuuuuree. – JW

I'm ging noow. Ireen wants me. Literalllly. – SH

Nce. Bye. – JW

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 10.30pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

Lestarfe. Johnnn txt mee earlie an hes drnk! – SH

And I suppose you aren't? – L

Nopee. I'm sber as aa fox. – SH

a…fox? That is pretty random Sherlock. Even for you. – L

no s not. Dd ou kno that earth goes rnd th sun? – SH

yes Sherlock, I do know that. – L

I stll fnd it useless. I fnt it interssin tht whnn youuu put a chammelleon in a reed buket it explodez! – SH

Sounds interesting Sherlock. I have to go now. I'm with the family. – L

Okey dookey, doo say ello. – SH

Will do. Bye now. – L

Byee. –SH

**Friday 31****st**** December 2010 – 11.08pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mycroft Holmes, Lestrade and Sarah Sawyer.**

I ned hlp! Ireen s lcked me in th flat n td mee to a chair soo I cnt leeve whle she goes to use th batroom! – SH

Hahaa Sarah wld never do thaa to me – JW

Sherlock, this never would have happened had you stayed with us. – MH

Shurrup mycrof I dint snd u th txt. U jus read it. – SH

She's tied you to a chair? – L

Yess! I dunnno ho lng she been in the bearoom for bu it bin a while. – SH

John appears to have told you I made him drink that much, I didn't. he's only had 4 pints. – S

Haa! Joohn yu ligtwight – SH

Ho mch uo ad then? – JW

Iv ad 1 bttle o ireens speacal stff, haf a bttle o vodkaa, 7 pints, 2 glaasses f wine, 4 shots and sum cider. – SH

Bloody hell! I'm surprised you can stand! – L

I cannt mch – SH

Haa that s alo a aclogocl. – JW

Tll m bou it! I fel fnny. – SH

Oh, sh bak, gorraa go noow byw ppl! – SH

Byeeee sherly poop! – JW

… bye. – L

Goodbye little brother. – MH

**Saturday 1****st**** January 2011 – 12.02am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mycroft Holmes and Lestrade.**

Appy neew year! – SH

Ppy neww yearrr my besst buddi evverr! – JW

Happy new year lads. – L

Happy new year Sherlock. – MH

Joohn? M I rele ur best buddiie? – SH

Yep. Pan in me arsse smutume bu ur me bestest meat ever.- JW

Yur my bessst mate too! Thn s lestarde. I lurve u uys! Evem Mycroft. Een thou r annnoting and spie n me. – SH

Even though you're drunk, it's a pleasure to here it Sherlock. – MH

Thanks Sherlock. You're a great friend too. – L

I knio! :D – SH

Sherrlck? Ill see u in t mrngin. And jeff haha – JW

Byesi bye no2 John. gotta go now people ireen sys we gorra brrin in th noo yeat. Whareve tha means. – SH

You have fun with that. – L

Bye Sherlock. – MH

**Saturday 1****st**** January 2011– 11.08am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mycroft Holmes and Lestrade.**

How are you boys feeling? – MH

Like a train ran over my head. – JW

Fine. Though I can't remember what happened last night. – SH

You don't have a hangover? – L

No. should I? – SH

Yes you bloody well should! The amount you said you drunk last night you shouldn't be able to move! – L

Really? Oh. That may explain why I can't remember last night, but there's no hangover. I didn't say anything embarrassing did I? – SH

Or me? – JW

Check your outboxes. – MH

Oh dear god! Mycroft I do NOT love you! – SH

It's too late now brother, you've said it. – MH

I was drunk! I don't love you. Oh dear god now I feel ill. – SH

Ha Sherlock have you seen our conversation about the head in the fridge? – JW

… I have now. You have a sick mind John. you should have known that was a misunderstanding. – SH

I was very drunk. It still is pretty funny. – JW

Sherly poop?... oh dear. – JW

Hmm… I can't say I prefer that name to mine. I think I'll still with Sherlock. – SH

Agreed. I'm never drinking again. Ever. – JW

We all know that's not true John. – SH

I know. I don't why everyone always says that. Oh well. – JW

Mummy wanted me to tell you that she misses you Sherlock. – MH

Interesting. Lestrade. – SH

Any cases Lestrade? – SH

No, sorry. – L

Right. – SH

**Saturday 1****st**** January 2011 – 12.02pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler. **

Hey honey. Last night was great. Thanks for bringing in the new year with me ;) x – IA

Sorry? – SH

Oh. I thought that was a dream. – SH

Not this time big boy ;) what you got planned for your birthday? X – IA

Absolutely nothing. – SH

Oh, well then I'll have to come over and give you my present. You'll love it. ;) xx – IA

I can't wait. – SH

Really? I could give you an early one? Xx – IA

That won't be necessary Irene. – SH

Ok sweetie. Well, I gotta get going. You have fun now ;) xx – IA

Good bye Irene. – SH

**xXx**

**a/n: well, there you go. I'm thinking next chapter will be mostly the rest of the gang planning a party for Sherlock's birthday. Sound good or bad? Please let me know what you thought of this chapter, and the ^ idea :D thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n: oh my god! Thank you so much guys! Have you seen how many reviews this has? Over 100! (117 to be exact!) That's bloody fantastic! Thank you soooo much! I love EVERY single one of you! :D**

**moving on, thanks to everyone that has reviewed. To the people who didn't sign in:**

**KelAlexshipper4evah****: lol! It's really embarrassing when you just start laughing and no one else knows why lol… :D glad you find this funny though! :) thanks for the review.**

**Monika Watson:**** lol! Were you somewhere you were supposed to be being quiet? Hehe :D glad you liked it and hope you like this chapter too :)**

**Gen:**** hello again! :D thanks for reviewing again :) glad you're still liking it :) hehe, I wonder how they'll get on… :D hope u like this :D**

**Garden gnomie:**** oh yeah! Can't believe I messed that bit up! Ah well, no body's perfect lol. Glad you liked it and I hope you like this one too. :)**

**Barn and co:**** hey again :D thanks for those prompts! They sound like fun :D hehe I really hope you like this chapter too :)**

**Robert Sherlock Holmes:**** hehe lol. Glad you like my stories :) I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope you like this one too :)**

**Right, that's enough of the a/n, lets get on with the story, shall we? Yes, we shall :D hope you enjoy.**

** xXx**

**4****th**** January 2011 – 9.34am text messages start between John Watson, Lestrade, Mycroft Holmes, Irene Adler, Molly Hooper and Sarah Sawyer.**

Right guys, we need to plan a party for Sherlock's birthday. – JW

It's the 6th yeah? – L

Indeed it is Lestrade. Any ideas then John? As you know, anything will be possible. Just ask me. – MH

Thanks Mycroft. Um, I'm not sure yet really. Anyone have any suggestions? – JW

What kinda party you think he'd like? – IA

One that doesn't exist, most likely. My brother isn't one for socialising. – MH

Well, he has to have a party. It's his birthday! – M

Yeah, we could throw a surprise one, then he can't refuse. – S

Good idea. Where should we have it? – JW

Well, I'm pretty sure he'll be suspicious if we invited him to a place that usually holds parties. It'll have to be like a restaurant or something, with a dance floor of course. – IA

Good point Miss Adler. He will definitely notice something is going on though. We'll have to hide it well. Especially you John, as you're around him most. – MH

Yeah I know. God knows how I'm gonna hide this from him. I'll try my hardest though. So, any ideas for a restaurant? – JW

How about the Criterion or Paramount? – L

The Criterion serves excellent food. The manager and I are on excellent terms, I could have make the place private for the night. It also has a dance floor, Miss Adler. – MH

Ooh, sounds perfect. Now, how shall we get him there? – IA

Tell him we're meeting for a meal? – JW

He wouldn't like the fuss. He may be a dram queen, but he hates his birthday being made a day of. – MH

I could get him there. – IA

How? – L

I have my ways ;) – IA

… ok. So that's sorted. What else? – JW

Presents. Who's getting him what? – M

I already have mine. It's a secret though. – IA

… o-Kay. Not so sure I'd want to know anyway. Um, I'll get him a… is it possible to get a shrunken head? – JW

Yes, it is. I'll send you the details of how to order one. I'll also make sure it gets here on time. I'll get him a lab pass for St Bart's so that he has free reign. Perhaps I'll get him some sort of identification so he can get into more places on cases. – MH

Yeah, then he can stop stealing my ID badges! – L

I'll get him some body parts. It shouldn't be too hard. – M

I'll get him… a new violin case and some stuff to put on it. I think. – L

Um, I'll get him… a… oh! A new skull! So he'll have two… maybe I'll try get a female one… - S

Right then, we need to get the finishing touches to the party, everyone come over the flat now? Sherlock's at the morgue. – JW

I'll be right over. – MH

Same. – L

Be there in 5 minutes. – S

See you soon. – M

See you soon John. – IA

Bye. – JW

**4****th**** January 2011 – 1.23pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Why is the front door locked? And are there people in there? I can smell Mycroft's cologne and Irene's perfume. – SH

And Lestrade and Molly – SH

Nope, they were here earlier, now they're gone. – JW

I see. Can you let me in now? I'm bored. – SH

No, sorry. – JW

What? – SH

I can't let you in. sorry. – JW

Come on John, stop messing around. I've left my lock pick set in there, so I can't pick the lock. Just let me in. – SH

I can't. sorry – JW

Why not? – SH

John? – SH

I'll climb through your bedroom window! You've left it open. – SH

You closed it! John! – SH

Sorry Sherlock but I'm busy. – JW

Doing what? – SH

With Sarah. – JW

Oh. Right. I'll come back later. If I haven't killed myself of either boredom or that horrid mental image you just shoved into my head. – SH

Cool. Bye Sherlock. – JW

Bye. – SH

**4****th**** January 2011 – 3.33pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Is John finished with Sarah yet? – SH

… no Sherlock, he isn't. – SH

Brilliant. I'm bored! – SH

Find something to do then. – MH

Easier said then done. Lestrade isn't at the Yard. Something's going on here Mycroft. – SH

I just checked CCTV, Lestrade is with his Uncle who is ill. In hospital. – MH

I see. Well, I need SOMETHING to do! Or I might test man's ability to fly, using Big Ben as a starting point. – SH

I wouldn't advise that, it won't be successful for you. Go to my office and look through some case files. – MH

You're not at your office? – SH

No. I'm at 10 Downing Street. – MH

I see. Well, I'm going to your office then. – SH

Have fun. – MH

I'll try. – SH

**4****th**** January 2011 – 6.09pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

I'm on my way home now. I don't care if you're not done, I'm coming in. – SH

It's fine, you can come in now. – JW

Good. See you in 10 minutes. – SH

Yep. – JW

**4****th**** January 2011 – 1.23pm text messages start between John Watson, Lestrade, Molly Hooper, Irene Adler and Mycroft Holmes.**

Wow, Sherlock knew ALL of you had been here! I had to tell him that you all wanted to speak to him and that he was out so you left. It was difficult convincing him though. – JW

We're going to have be more careful. My brother is certainly not stupid. – MH

You're telling me. – L

Right, where's the next meeting and when? – M

My hotel room tomorrow? – IA

Good idea. he won't look there. At 12? – L

Sounds good. Cya then. – JW

Bye. – M

Laters. – IA

Goodbye. – MH

Bye. – L

**4****th**** January 2011 – 7.09pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

JOHN! Someone's moved my violin! – SH

Sorry, might have been me. – JW

Where is it? – SH

John? – SH

What's with everyone? – SH]

**a/n: thanks for reading! Hope you liked it :)**

**btw, I've never been to the Criterion so I have no clue if it has nice food or a dance floor lol.**

**Please review! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n: ello, ello, ello! How is everyone? Mhmm… *nods head in understanding*… that's awesome! I hope you had fun! Wanna read the next chapter?... great. Hope you like it :D**

**Barn and co:**** thank you, my dear :) hehe. Yeah, I figured that'd be the only thing that would put Sherlock entering the flat… lol :D thanks for the ideas, I'll try to put them in when I finish the birthday bit, coz they're great :D**

**Robert Sherlock Holmes:**** lol thanks :D glad you liked it and hope you like this next chapter.**

**Thanks to everyone else that reviewed. Yeah you *points at you* if you reviewed, thanks. If not, I might just cry if you don't review this time. *starts blinking away tears***

**xXxXx**

**5****th**** January 2011 – 10.54am text messages start between Mycroft Holmes, John Watson, Irene Adler, Lestrade and Molly Hooper.**

Is everyone still clear to meet at Irene's hotel room today? – MH

Yep, I'm good. – L

I can make it. – M

Same. Sherlock's getting really suspicious; I have to delete all the messages on my phone because he keeps trying to read them. We need to get this sorted quickly. I don't think I can keep it secret from him anymore. – JW

Right, shall we meet now? To get it over with quickly? – IA

Yes. I'm on my way now. – MH

Sure. – L

Yeah, I'll tell Sherlock I've got a shift at the surgery. I'll bring Sarah. – JW

See you soon then. – M

**5****th**** January 2011 – 11.34am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, I'm bored. – SH

I'm busy Sherlock. – JW

Yes, but I'm BORED John! You haven't been around for the past couple of days and Mrs Hudson has taken my skull. – SH

Sorry. Work's been busy. – JW

Right. When do you finish then? – SH

Um, around half one I think. – JW

Right. Bye then John. – SH

Bye. – JW

**5****th**** January 2011 – 11.45am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

I need a case. I'm dying of boredom. – SH

I doubt you're actually dying Sherlock. And there isn't any, sorry. – L

How can there be nothing? We live in LONDON! There has to be something. – SH

Sorry. – L

Wonderful. I'll just sit here, dying of boredom. – SH

I could send round a team for a drugs bust? – L

Oh because that would be soo helpful. Do you know what's going on with John? He's been acting off. Like he's hiding something. – SH

No idea. Sorry. – L

Are you involved? – SH

No. What makes you think that? – L

Don't worry. I need something to do! I can feel my brain slowly turning into mush! – SH

I doubt that very much Sherlock, you're being over dramatic. – L

I'm not! I've even thought about going to get the milk! That's how desperate I am! – SH

Then why don't you? – L

Because I'm banned from Asda now. I got a phone call. – SH

Oh right. Go somewhere else? – L

No, they're all too far away. I think I'll just sit here, slowly rotting away in stagnation. – SH

Right, you have fun with that. I've gotta get back to work. Bye. – L

Bye. – SH

**5****th**** January 2011 – 12.13pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Mycroft, I can't believe I'm about to do this, but I'll die of boredom otherwise. Do you have any cases? – SH

Indeed I do little brother. I'll send Anthea round with the file, shall I? – MH

Yes. What is it? – SH

Stolen documents from a government official. Anthea should be with you in 20 minutes. – MH

Right. Good. – SH

No thank you? – MH

Don't push it Mycroft. – SH

You're welcome. Bye little brother. – MH

Mhmm. – SH

**5****th**** January 2011 – 1.34am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

You're finished now? – SH

Yeah. – JW

Good, we have a case. Come back to the flat ASAP. – SH

Okey dokey, see you in a minute. – JW

**5****th**** January 2011 – 2.59pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Done. Case solved. James Robinson has the files. – SH

Thank you Sherlock. – MH

**5****th**** January 2011 – 3.33pm text messages start between Mycroft Holmes, John Watson, Irene Adler, Lestrade and Molly Hooper.**

So we're all clear on the details for tomorrow? – MH

Yep. I'll get Sherlock to the restaurant and you'll all be waiting. Mycroft's people will make sure he can't leave again. Easy. – IA

And how exactly are you getting him there? – L

I took his violin. I'll tell him to come get it. – IA

Oh, good idea. – M

Indeed, that will most definitely work. – MH

Right then, with that all sorted, I'll see you guys at 6 tomorrow then. – JW

Yep. Cya then. – IA

Bye. – M

See you tomorrow John. – L

Good luck keeping it from my brother John. – MH

Thanks, I'm gonna need it. – JW

**6****th**** January 2011 – 11.59am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Where did you go? Work? – SH

Yeah, I did tell you. You muttered something about severed toes so I just left. – JW

Severed toes? – SH

Oh, that was an experiment. I was trying to remember where I put them. – SH

Did you find them? – JW

Yes, they were in your wardrobe. – SH

What? Why the hell were they in there? – JW

Where else was I meant to put them John? Anyway, I'm bored. – SH

Are you ever not? Seriously, all you ever do is tell me you're bored! – JW

It's not my fault normal life is draining away my intelligence! – SH

I don't think it is. You're being a drama queen. – JW

I'm not. I'm telling the truth. How anyone can live the normal day to day life is beyond me. – SH

I feel so sorry for you, I really do. – JW

Thank you John. Now, I'm going to see what happened to the eyeball I left in the butter. – SH

… Please tell me you're joking? The butter in the fridge? – JW

Yes. What other butter would I be talking about? – SH

Oh god. I put that on my toast. Oh god. – JW

Did you just throw up? – SH

Yes. – JW

Right. What colour was it? – SH

Why the hell do you want to know what colour it was? – JW

Research. – SH

I'm not telling you. Ha. That's for making me throw up. – JW

Fine. I'll just Google different types of sick. – SH

Or go to speak to a group of models and see what they say. – SH

You have fun with that. – JW

I will. – SH

**6****th**** January 2011 – 4.59pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

Hey sweetie :) x – IA

Irene. – SH

Guess what? X – IA

… Was it you that stole my violin? – SH

Actually, yes. If you want it back you have to meet me at the Criterion at 6 x – IA

Right. Why the Criterion? – SH

Because it's your birthday. I want to give you a present ;) x – IA

In public? – SH

Sherlock! Get your head out of the gutter! THIS present can be given to you in public. The other will be in private ;) x – IA

Oh. Right. See you at 6 then. Don't forget my violin. – SH

Oh I won't gorgeous, don't you worry about that. Xx – IA

**xXxXx**

**a/n: there we go. Next chapter will be the texts after the party. :) thanks to everyone that read :D**

**Now, please review. If you don't, I WILL cry. For a **_**very**_** long time. I mean it. I will. And if I cry, then I won't be able to update… so, it's in your best interests to review :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**a/n:… go ahead. Yell insults at me. I don't blame you. I'm a butt head, I totally agree. But, in my defence, school has been nuts! Seriously, year 11 sucks. And it's my 16****th**** birthday on Thursday, (yay!) so I've been thinking about what to do lol :D. Anyway, I'm so sorry for the delay. I'll try to keep on top of it in the future.**

**Oh, by the way; I'm doing a spin-off of this story, about the actual party. Not sure when it'll be posted, but just a heads up :D**

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed :) to ppl without an account:**

**Person-without-a-FF.N-account:**** I'm really glad you liked it :D and yeah, I will be bringing him in soon :D thanks for reviewing.**

**Tammy:**** good, good :D**

**Armybrat:**** thanks :D I like Irene too lol. Glad you think I portrayed her well :)**

**Oh, I realize now (after someone helped me to notice) that I haven't really thought the whole Molly = M as her signature. Soooo, I'm changing hers to just Molly. So that I can bring in Moriarty :D.**

**xXxXx**

**6****th**** January 2011 – 11.38pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Sherlock, where've you gone? – JW

Irene handcuffed me to her and has taken me somewhere. – SH

Where? – JW

I'm not sure. I think she may have drugged me slightly. I can't seem to remember the route we took. I know we're near the Thames, that's it. – SH

Want me to get Mycroft to find you? – JW

No. I don't need his help. I'll get out of this myself. – SH

Right. Anyway, did you enjoy your party? – JW

Stupid question John. I had to dance with Sally. How can that possibly be enjoyable? – SH

…point taken. But you did get to dance with Irene. You were pretty good to. I didn't know you could Salsa, Waltz and Rumba. – JW

I couldn't. I'm a fast learner. John, I have to ask, why did you invite Moriaty? – SH

I didn't. He just sort of turned up. I think he fancies you. – JW

I hope not. – SH

I can't believe he got away from Lestrade… anyway, everyone's asking where you are. – JW

Tell them I've left. – SH

Shall I say for any particular reason? – JW

Make something up. I'm hoping to escape from Irene soon, but I won't be coming back there. I never knew so many of my old clients actually _like _me. – SH

Well, you have helped a lot of people. Even though you're an arse, people do actually like you. By the way, Lestrade is dancing with Mrs Hudson. It's quite a… it's an odd sight. – JW

I'm sure it is. Oh, we're in an apartment. Rented. I think we're near the tower bridge in a flat above a shop. My senses haven't quite come back yet, so I'm not entirely sure. – SH

Can't you leave now? – JW

No. I'm handcuffed to the bed with my left hand. There's nothing for me to pick the lock with, and Irene is currently, and I quote, "slipping into something more comfortable." I don't see why she'd want to get more comfortable. I'm planning on leaving soon, so she wouldn't stay long. – SH

You really have no idea? – JW

No. The only reason I can imagine would be that the dress se is wearing is too tight. – SH

Wow, you really are clueless. – JW

Sorry? – SH

Ah, I get it now. This is not good. – SH

Isn't there a clip or anything you can use to pick the lock? – JW

Ah, there's a hair pin on the bedside table. – SH

Damn. She' coming back in. John, I'm going to try and escape. Good bye for now. – SH

Yeah, good luck with that mate. Cya. – JW

**7****th**** January 2011 – 6.28am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Right. That didn't work out as planned. Irene is currently asleep next to me and has removed the pin from the bedside table. I'm trapped. – SH

And now she's resting her head on my chest. This is most inconvenient. – SH

What happened? – JW

I honestly wouldn't like to tell you John. It would only embarrass you and myself. – SH

That bad huh? – JW

Not bad, just… private. Let's say private. – SH

Oh, right. Well, should I get Mycroft to find you and come pick you up? – JW

Please. – SH

**7****th**** January 2011 – 6.30am text messages start between Mycroft Holmes and John Watson.**

Mycroft, can you find out where Irene took Sherlock please? – JW

23 Avenue Street. – MH

Thanks Mycroft. He really has no idea when it comes to women. – JW

No, I'm afraid he doesn't. Thank you for picking him up, John. – MH

No problem. It's what I'm here for. – JW

**7****th**** January 2011 – 6.35am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

I'm on my way. – JW

Thank you. Bring something thin and metal to pick the lock with. And be prepared for Irene. – SH

Be prepared for Irene? What's that meant to mean? – JW

Well, she will be naked apart from being covered by a sheet. She'll use that to distract you and most likely attempt to handcuff you in another room. She doesn't like letting me leave early. – SH

Right. I'll be careful then. – SH

**7****th**** January 2011 – 9.30am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

That was unfair earlier, sweetie xx. – IA

No, what was unfair was you stealing me, drugging me and then handcuffing me to a bed, along with doing a few other things that I wouldn't care to mention. – SH

Oh please, you loved it. Don't think you can fool me Sherlock xx. – IA

Irene, please, stop handcuffing me to things in the future. – SH

Where's the fun in that? Besides, how else would I get you to do those things with me? xx – IA

You wouldn't. That's the whole point. I have to go now. I have a case. – SH

Fine. I'll swing by sometime this week ;) xx – IA

I'd rather you didn't. – SH

I know, that's what makes it more fun. Xx – IA

**xXxXx**

**a/n: I know it's short, but it's getting late and I'm hoping to update another one of my stories tonight as well. There will be more texts about the party in the next chapter, and a spin off :)**

**Please review :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/n: here's the next chapter :) I won't bother making excuses for this being late, its school again. I'll say no more.**

**Review thanks to peeps without accounts:**

**Armybrat:**** thanks :) and I know. Irene loves to play with him lol. :D**

**Guess who makes an appearance today? MORIARTY!**

**Oh and guys, no news on when I'll be doing that spin-off yet. Sorry. I'm just too bust atm. :(**

**Oh and I'm skipping it forward a few months too.**

**xXxXx**

**Thursday 17****th**** March 2011 – 10.38am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty.**

Hey Sherlock. – M

Is this Jim? Why ware you texting me? – SH

Sherlock, darling, we're friends! Friends text each other. – M

We're not friends. – SH

Sure we are! We're the same, you and me. – M

No, we're not. I don't kill people, you do. – SH

I don't take pleasure in seeing people suffer, you do. – SH

I don't have an Irish accent, you do. – SH

I don't pretend to be gay, you do. – SH

Alright I get it! But we still have an awful lot in common. – M

Oh, and happy St Patrick's Day! – M

Please stop texting me, I'm busy. – SH

How can you be busy? I haven't set you any tasks. – M

You're not the only criminal, Jim. – SH

Oh. Well then, I'll have to sort that out. – M

No you won't. You may have a lot of power, but you can't get rid of all criminals in London. Besides, that would mean we would all get bored. – SH

True. I guess you're right. Well, I'm off to order someone's death. Toodles! Xx – M

What is it with people and putting kisses in my texts? – SH

**Thursday 17****th**** March 2011 – 10.58am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Moriarty just texted me. – SH

Really? Has he set up another challenge? – JW

No. he wished me a happy St Patrick's Day. – SH

Oh. That's… not what I was expecting. –JW

You're not alone there John. Are you at work? – SH

Yes. – JW

I'm coming down there. – SH

Ok. – JW

Wait! No, don't come here! – JW

Why not? – SH

You'll scare, offend and most likely injure the patients! – JW

Not intentionally! – SH

Besides, they're all hypercondriacs anyway. – SH

Not all of them. – JW

But most. – SH

Shut up. – JW

I'm not talking, I'm texting. We've been through this John. – SH

Oh whatever! Just don't come to my work! – JW

Too late. I'm round the corner. – SH

Sherlock! Don't even think about it! – JW

Sherlock? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

**Thursday 17****th**** March 2011 – 11.14am text messages start between John Watson and Lestrade.**

Thanks for giving him a case. He insulted 17 patients, broke 2 heart monitors and managed to spill coffee down Sarah's top. – JW

Its alright, you sounded desperate on the phone. – L

I was. I told him not to come, but he just had to anyway. – JW

He called Mrs Birch 'an old hag who has absolutely nothing wrong her except and abnormally large nose.' – JW

That's pretty funny, if you think about it. – L

It was, sort of. But it was even funnier when she attempted to hit him with her handbag and when he dodged it, it then proceeded to open and spill out… you'll never guess what… - JW

What? – L

Bear in mind that she's 67… she had about 16 packs of condoms in her bag. – JW

Wow. That is… that's just unnatural. 67? Wow. – L

I know. You should have seen Sherlock's face. He cracked up. – JW

I can't say I blame him. That's not something you expect to see. – L

No, it really isn't. – JW

Well, I have to go. Sherlock's onto something. – L

Right. Thanks again. – JW

No problem – L

**Thursday 17****th**** March 2011 – 12.54pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Mummy wants you to come for dinner tomorrow. – MH

No. – SH

Sherlock, don't be so rude. – MH

I'm not. I'm busy. – SH

No you're not. You're avoiding her, again. 0 MH

I am not. I'm on a case. – SH

That you'll know doubt have solved by tomorrow. – MH

I doubt it, it's a tricky one. – SH

Its not, and you know it. – MH

Do not and it is not. Good bye Mycroft. – SH

Sherlock, if you don't come I'll stop the Yard giving you cases. – MH

Like that would work. I'd do them anyway. – SH

Very well, but know Mummy is disappointed. – MH

The amount of times I have heard that is uncountable. And I couldn't care less than I did the other times. – SH

Well, no need to be rude about the woman that gave birth to you. – MH

Goodbye Mycroft. – SH

**xXxXx**

**A/n: not a very long chapter, but I'm knackered lol. Please review if you want more soon :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/n: Sorry! I am sooo sorry for not updating sooner; I had absolutely no idea what to write. Still don't really. Just gonna have to make it up as I go along :D hope you enjoy it.**

**Thanks to those people who reviewed last chapter :D.**

**To people without accounts:**

**Militarybrat:**** Ah, nice new name :D Lol. ;) Glad you liked that :D**

**Sukiwa:**** lol! I hope I didn't get you into trouble? You didn't wake anyone up? Lol :D glad you're enjoying it, and hope you like this chapter.**

**Oh, and I want to apologise in advance for any Justin Bieber fans. I don't want you to be offended by what Sherlock says. You have been warned :D**

**xXxXx**

**8****th**** April 2011 9.48am – text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty.**

I see you… - M

Good for you. – SH

Don't be like that. We should meet up? I could set you another challenge? – M

I'd rather not meet up with you. And I actually have a case at the moment. – SH

Why did you just go in the supermarket? Not avoiding me, I hope. – M

Not at all. I'm actually avoiding my brother. Who will be reading this conversation, by the way. – SH

In that case: Hello Mycroft. He won't be able to track me. I've got that covered. – M

Please stop texting me now. – SH

Why? I think I'll find some more people to attach bombs to. That's how we bonded, that case. I think if I made another one, you'd not be bored any more. – M

Please, go away. I solved the last lot, I can solve more. Oh, and your henchman can stop following me now, I won't let him catch me. – SH

Fine. Be that way. – M

Good bye, Jim. – SH

Toodles! Xx – M

Again with the kisses? – SH

**8****th**** April 2011 9.56am – text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Sarah wants to know if you'll come to dinner with us and her friend tonight. – JW

No. – SH

Come on Sherlock, don't be like that. – JW

I'll be how I want. I'm not interested in dating a friend of Sarah's – SH

Or anyone else, for that matter. – SH

You never know, you might like her. She _is_ a policewoman. – JW

So is Sally, what's your point? – SH

She's not like Donovan, she's actually smart. And she isn't having an affair with a married man. – JW

And you're sure of this how? You never know John; you may have missed all the vital signs. – SH

Whatever. I doubt she is. So, will you come? – JW

I most certainly will not. – SH

Sherlock! Stop being difficult! – JW

I'm not. You're the one being difficult. You asked a question, I answered, and now you're making a fuss bout it. Therefore, you're being difficult. – SH

Shut up. You're coming. – JW

How many times John? I'm not speaking, I'm texting. And no I'm not. – SH

I could always get Mycroft to take you there. – JW

You could try. I'd just leave straight away. – SH

That's if they even managed to catch me and get me there in the first place. – SH

Fine. Be pathetic. I'm on my way home now, and I'm going out again at 7. So, if you change your mind… - JW

I won't. – SH

Fine. – JW

Fine. – SH

**8****th**** April 2011 11.19am – text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Pass me a pen. – SH

What? There's one right next to you! – JW

I'm concentrating. – SH

Oh, so you can text me – even though I'm sat on the chair across from you – but you can't pick up a pen? – JW

Correct. – SH

Get it yourself. – JW

John, it's really important that I don't lose this train of thought! – SH

Fine. You lazy arse. – JW

Thank you John. That's alright Sherlock, no problem. – JW

What are you thinking about, anyway? – JW

What? – SH

What are you thinking about that's so important? – JW

Oh. Nothing. – SH

Wha- Wait. You're not even using the pen! – JW

Am I not? Oh, so I'm not. Very observant of you, John. – SH

Then why the bloody hell did you ask me to pass you a pen? – JW

Because you never know when you'll need a pen. – SH

… You have got to be the most irritating man on this planet. – JW

Not true. There's Mycroft, Moriarty, that singer that sounds like a girl… Justin Bieber, is it? He's rather annoying. – SH

Yeah, but I don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. – JW

I could arrange it so that you did, if you'd prefer. – SH

What? No! That's not what I meant! I meant that- you know what? Never mind. – JW

I never did. – SH

Whatever. – JW

**8****th**** April 2011 12.09pm– text messages start between Mycroft Holmes and John Watson.**

I need you to have a word with my brother and get him to take my case. You'll be rewarded appropriately. – MH

I honestly don't know why you expect me to be able to convince him. It never works. If the case is interesting, he just takes it and doesn't tell you. Nothing I can do really. – JW

Fine, fine. Oh, and you should know that he is currently on the roof of your building. – MH

What? Why? – JW

He appears to be holding some kind of transmitter. I can't see clearly enough from the screens to be 100 percent sure though. – MH

Great. Thanks. I'll go get him down. – JW

That would be wonderful. Mummy would be frightfully upset if he injured himself. – MH

…uh-huh. I'll speak to you later. – JW

Goodbye, John. - MH

**8****th**** April 2011 12.15pm – text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

Sherlock! Stop ignoring me and come down! – JW

No. I'm in the middle of an important experiment. Could you pass me a pen? – SH

Are you kidding me? – JW

Not at all, John. I need a pen. It's most urgent. I think I've made a device that will enable me to listen in on Mycroft's conversations. See how he likes it. I need a pen. – SH

I'm not getting you a bloody pen! Get down from there! – JW

Can't do that John. Now pass me a pen. – SH

Oh, never mind. I have the one you gave me earlier. Told you you'll never know when you need one. – SH

I mean it, if you don't come down from there; I'm throwing Yorrick out the window! – JW

You wouldn't! – SH

I would. And your violin. – JW

If you did that, John, I'd throw Sarah out a window. – SH

… No you wouldn't. That's murder. – JW

Would you like to test that? – SH

No, but it would mean you couldn't solve cases anymore. Except maybe ones in prison. – JW

Well then I'd throw out your laptop, your phone, your bed, the TV and your ridiculous collection of jumpers. – SH

Hey! Don't diss my jumpers! Now come down! – JW

Aha! I've done it! Nope, that's next door… - SH

I knew she was having an affair! – SH

Who? – wait, don't answer that. Just come down. – JW

Very well John, I'll come down. Because this machine needs some tweaking. Then I'm going back up. – SH

You are not. – JW

Yes, I am. – SH

Just hurry up. – JW

Stop texting me while I'm trying to descend from the roof then. – SH

You don't have to text back. In fact, don't text back to this one. Just get off the roof. – JW

Very well. – SH

I said don't! – JW

Ah, so you did. – SH

Sherlock! Get. Off. The. Bloody. Roof. – JW

Fine. Fine, I'm coming down. – SH

Finally. – JW.

**8****th**** April 2011 2.07pm – text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

There's a case for you. Come down the Yard ASAP. – L

Excellent. I'm on my way. – SH

Thank you. – L

**xXxXx**

**A/n: again, sorry for the long wait, and to those of you who like Justin Bieber. :D lol.**

**Anyway, please review and let me know if there are any random conversations you want to happen between the gang.**

**:D**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/n: Hello my minions :) how are you all? Good, I hope?**

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed, it's so great to know that you're all enjoying this fic as much as I love writing it :D**

**Because you didn't have an account, here's your reply ****Missyyy:**** Glad you loved it :) It's because it's the holidays, so I'm updating as much as possible lol :D hope you enjoy this :D**

**Right, thanks to Azaelea for giving me the idea of having Mrs Hudson and Mrs (mummy) Holmes texting each other. :D**

**Right, on with it!**

**xXxXx**

**Monday 18****th**** April 2011 – 9.43am text messages start between Mrs Holmes and Mrs Hudson.**

Martha dear, how is my youngest doing? – Mrs Holmes

Hello, Violet. He's doing fine. He's bored at the moment, unfortunately. But I've confiscated his gun so he can't shoot my walls again. – Mrs H

I don't blame you. I remember all the trouble he gave me when he was bored as a child. What is he doing at the moment? – Mrs Holmes

Last time I checked, he was led on the sofa, complaining about how boring the criminal society is. – Mrs H

Oh dear. Are there no cases for him to take? – Mrs Holmes

No, sadly. That lovely DI Lestrade hasn't been round in a while. Mycroft popped around yesterday though. – Mrs H

He did? What for? – Mrs Holmes

To try and get Sherlock's help, I think. But Sherlock just ignored him and played his violin awfully. Mycroft did pop in and say hello to me, though. – Mrs H

Yes, Mycroft is ever so polite. I don't know why Sherlock feels the need to be different. Did I ever tell you about the time when he managed to insult everyone at my cousin's funeral? – Mrs Holmes

No! How on earth did he do that? – Mrs H

I'll tell you next time we meet up for tea. – Mrs Holmes

I look forward to it. Oh dear, he's started shouting for me. I'll just pop up to see what he needs. – Mrs H

Of course. – Mrs Holmes

Ah, he just asked why I'm texting you. – Mrs H

How did he know? -Mrs Holmes

Apparently, by the way I looked at him. He still surprises me with his observation. He's watching me type this. – Mrs H

Tell him I said hello, won't you? – Mrs Holmes

Of course. – Mrs H

He says 'mummy, stop talking to my housekeeper.' – Mrs H

Tell him I said 'I'm not. I'm talking to your landlady.' – Mrs Holmes.

Oh, good one dear. He's rolled over on the sofa in a huff now. I'll speak to you later; I think I should make him a cup of tea to cheer him up. – Mrs H

Okay Martha, I'll speak to you later. – Mrs Holmes.

**Monday 18****th**** April 2011 – 10.03am text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

My mummy has been speaking to Mrs Hudson behind my back. I think they're plotting something. – SH

Like what? – JW

Probably some way to get me to dinner. – SH

I doubt it Sherlock. They're old friends, that's all. – JW

That's probably what they want me to think. – SH

You do realise how ridiculous you sound, right? – JW

John, I'm serious. I'll have to keep my eye on them. Now, what time do you finish? – SH

Um, around two, I think. – JW

Right. I think I'll go to Bart's. – SH

To see Molly? ;) – SH

John, you're an intelligent man, please don't make me change that opinion I have of you. – SH

Right. Sorry. See you later. – JW

Indeed you will. – SH

**Monday 18****th**** April 2011 – 1-.54am text messages start between Mycroft Holmes and John Watson.**

John, I need you to come to my office. – MH

Why? I'm at work. – JW

I know you are, I can see you. – MH

How- that's just creepy. Please stop spying on me. – JW

I need you to come to my office please, John. – MH

Yeah, you said. But why? – JW

Because I need to ask you some questions. – MH

I'll come after work. – JW

I'd like you to come now please. – MH

No. I'll come when I'm finished. – JW

Oh, haha. Nice trick, turning off the power in my office. I'm still not coming yet. – JW

Oh come on! Getting Sarah to tell me there's been an emergency and that I have to go? Nice try. – JW

Two big guys in black suits with shades? How stereotypical. - JW

Now John, I'd like you to just cooperate and go with them. I don't want them to have to carry you, which would just be embarrassing for you. – MH

Yeah, I think I'll pass. – JW

Very well. – MH

I can't believe that. They just carried me to the car! This had better be good Mycroft. – JW

Just a few questions John, that's it. – MH

Oh, wonderful. – JW

**Monday 18****th**** April 2011 – 12.24pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

You're brother just kidnapped me so that he could ask me what you've been doing since yesterday. –JW

Did he offer you more money? – SH

No, not this time. – JW

Shame. – SH

I just can't get a break, can I? It's either you or your brother causing trouble for me, and failing that, Moriarty. – JW

You appear to be quite the popular man. Or unpopular, depending on how you look at it. – SH

Shut up. I'm coming to the hospital, since I'm not allowed to return to work until they've turned the power back on. – JW

I'm not talking, I'm texting. But fine. I'm currently testing the reactions of the body to different chemicals after death. – SH

Nice. I'll be there soon. – JW

I assume that was a sarcastic 'nice'? – SH

You're correct. – JW

Ah, thought so. – SH

**Monday 18****th**** April 2011 – 2.59pm text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade.**

I have a case for you. – L

What is it? – SH

Three killings, three similar bodies. All killed the same way: drowned in a bathtub filled with red paint. – L

Hmm… who's on forensics? – SH

Anderson. – L

I think I'll pass. I'm not in the mood to see Anderson's face today. Or Donovan's. –SH

You won't have to. I'll get them out of the way. – L

Hmm… - SH

Please. – L

Very well. Lock them in two separate rooms (if you put them in the same room, the results would be horrifying) and I'll be right there. – SH

See you soon. – L

**xXxXx**

**A/n: there you go. Hope you liked it :) please review and let me know what you thought.**

**Oh, and if you have any conversation or people requests, please let me know :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/n: adhdjhshahfdjkas! 203 reviews? I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you soo much to everyone that's reviewed. I feel so loved :)**

**Anyway, how are my minions? Well, I hope?**

**Review replies to people without accounts:**

**Militarybrat: Glad you liked it. Lol, she seems like a fun character :D**

**AThousandSplendedSounds: Really? That is so amazing! Your friends told you about this? *dies of happiness* I'm so glad you liked it. And thank you ;) Yes, he can be bad ;D Hope you like this chapter, and thanks for the kind review :)**

**Person-without-a-FF.N-account: I'm really glad you liked it :D it means a lot to know! :D**

**Conversation requests:**

**_Moonspun Dragon_ wanted: Sherlock + Mummy, Mycroft + Sherlock + Mummy. And more Moriarty. _Lumoa_ wanted Moriarty to text Lestrade. _Dieithryn _wanted Anderson + Donovan texts. _Autumn Mistress_ wanted Mr Holmes and Sherlock._ Noelle M_ wanted Anderson + Sherlock, Mycroft + Mummy, Sherlock + Mummy, and more Moriarty. I'll try and get these all in this chapter; if not, then next chapter. Thanks guys XD**

**Right. One more thing; I'm thinking about ending this one soon… (On chapter 20) Wait! Don't throw stuff at me!... I wanna write a sequel XD I was thinking the sequel could involve MSN and Facebook as well. And maybe conference/phone calls? Let me know if that's a good idea or not…**

**xXxXx**

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 10.51am, texts start between Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty.**

You know, you really shouldn't ignore my texts Sherlock. It makes me want to attract your attention with something… big. – M

And get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking more along the lines of an explosion, not what's in my boxers. Unless you're interested in that…? – M

Oh dear God. Please cease texting me. I'm busy. – SH

You can't ignore me forever, Shirley. – M

My name is Sherlock. And stop texting me. – M

Then stop texting back ;) – M

I didn't mean it! So, how about we meet up again? Last time was fun. I was thinking we could blow up another swimming pool? – M

No. I've been told I'm not to do that again. Too messy, apparently. – SH

Tut-tut-tut Sherlock. Live on the edge! You don't usually do what you're told. – M

Yes, but if I blow up another one Mycroft is making me go to my cousin's wedding. – SH

Which one? – M

The more frightful looking one. Resembles a demented Dugong. Married into the family, obviously. She doesn't have the Holmes' gene for good looks. - SH

Oh, that one! I though you meant the one with the glasses that works for the CIA. And no she doesn't. I thought may not have been blood related. – M

No she's not. And I don't know why I'm even talking to you about this. Bye. – SH

Don't go! We were having such a nice chat! – M

Fine. I guess I'll go find a building to blow up or I'll have someone steal something from the Natural History Museum or something. – M

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 11.01am, texts start between Jim Moriarty and Lestrade.**

So, Inspector, any closer to finding me? – M

Is this Moriarty? – L

Yes. And there's no point trying to track me; it will just be a waste of your time. – M

Why are you texting me? – L

Well, I asked you a question – which you haven't answered yet. Tut-tut. – M

I'm not giving you any details on the case. – L

You don't have to. I have access to the files already. – M

What? How? – L

Now, now Inspector! Where's the fun in that? You know, you have a lovely view from your office. – M

How do you know? – L

How do you think I know? ;) – M

You're bluffing. You haven't been in my office. I'd know. – L

Would you? – M

How have you made the tracker think you're in the North Pole? – L

What makes you think I'm not, Inspector? – M

Don't be ridiculous; there's no signal there. Besides, you wouldn't be able to see Sherlock from there. – L

Ooh. Getting catty there, Inspector. But, you're absolutely right. You're tea is getting cold, by the way. – M

What? How do you know? – L

There's no use looking around for me, Inspector; you won't see me. – M

You're creepy, you know that? – L

Yes. Yes I do. Well, it's been wonderful speaking with you Inspector, but I must dash. Buildings to destroy, people to kill. Chow. – M

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 11.23am, texts start between Sherlock Holmes and Mrs Violet 'Mummy' Holmes.**

Sherlock dear, I need you to come to dinner tonight. – Mummy.

No you don't _need_ me to; you _want_ me to. And my answer is 'No'. – SH

Why must you be so resentful, Sherlock? Why can't you be sweet like Mycroft? – Mummy.

Because Mycroft is a kiss arse. I'm not. – SH

Don't be rude about your brother, dear. He'll be coming round to pick you up in his lovely town car later. – Mummy.

Let him. I won't be here. – SH

You most certainly will; or I'll show everyone at the 'Yard' your baby photos. – Mummy.

Do it. I'll show them and Mrs Hudson the photo of you when you fell in manure spreader and then ripped your trousers. – SH

Touché. I have to say, I'm disappointed in you Sherlock. I would have thought you'd grown out of your childishness when you reached adult life. – Mummy.

You're not very good at deducing then, are you? – SH

Don't be rude, dear. – Mummy.

I have to go now. Interesting things are calling to me. – SH

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 11.31am, texts start between Sherlock Holmes and Mr Angus 'Father' Holmes.**

Sherlock. You've upset you're Mother. You need to apologize to her now. – Father.

No. – SH

Sherlock, you're not a child any more, so I can't force you to apologize, but it would mean a lot to her if you could. – Father.

Again; No. – SH

Stop being so bloody childish! – Father.

How's giving up smoking going for you, Father? – SH

Fine. But don't try and change the subject. – Father.

Did you know Mycroft is on a diet? – SH

No, I didn't. But stop trying to change topic! You need to apologize to your Mother. – Father.

That's because he can't stick to it. Too busy starting wars to pay attention to what he shoves in his mouth. – SH

I give up. I'll see you for dinner tonight. – Father.

No you won't. – SH

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 10.51am, texts start between Violet 'Mummy' Holmes and Mycroft Holmes.**

Mycroft darling, you couldn't be a dear and fetch your brother for dinner this afternoon, could you? - Mummy.

Of course. Does he know about it? – MH

Yes, I asked him to come but he refused. – Mummy

Ah, well then I'll keep him under extra surveillance until I've finished at the office. – MH

Thank you Mycroft. How is work going? And the diet? – Mummy.

Stressful and fine, thank you. I must dash though, Mummy, if I want to get this paperwork finished. – MH

Of course, sweetheart. I'll see you this afternoon. Xx – Mummy.

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 12.13pm, texts start between Sherlock Holmes and Anderson.**

Freak, Lestrade wants you at the Yard. – A

Good for him. – SH

So? Are you getting your scrawny ass down here or not? – A

Firstly; I wasn't aware I owned a donkey? Unless you're using 'ass' as the American term for 'arse'? In which case; why? And secondly; Although I'm flattered that you pay attention to my 'scrawny ass', I'm afraid you won't be seeing it today. – SH

Alright, smart ARSE. Just get down here. – A

What for? I'm in the middle of an experiment. – SH

How can you be texting if you're doing an experiment? – A

I'm sorry that you're ridiculously small brain doesn't grasp this; but there is such thing as 'multitasking'. I know the myth is that only women can multitask properly, but so can high functioning sociopaths, apparently. – SH

Shut up. What are you doing that's so important? – A

I'm not talking; I'm texting. Honestly. And I'm currently testing the speed of which the flow of blood rushes to the head whilst upside down and watching television. – SH

Why the hell would you do that? – A

I wouldn't expect you to understand it, Anderson. It's too complex for Neanderthals. I'm sorry. – SH

You're an arrogant idiot. Just get down here now. – A

Out of the two of us, you're calling me an idiot? The one who does _your_ job _better_ than _you_? I do believe you have no brain cells, Anderson. You should really see someone about that. – SH

Whatever. – A

It was nice catching up with you, I'd hate to do it again sometime. – SH

**Monday 9th May 2011 – 1.08m, texts start between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

You should have come for the walk with me and Sarah; the view from this hill is brilliant. – JW

I'm not a teletubbie, John. I don't like to stand on hills. – SH

How the hell do you know who the teletubbies are, but not know that the Earth goes around the Sun? – JW

Simple. I haven't deleted it yet. There was a case earlier this year where a man dressed as Po was brutally murdered by a man dressed as LaLa. It was one of more unusual cases. – SH

I can imagine. Well, we're on our way back, so we'll pick up Chinese on the way. – JW

I might be in. It depends if Mycroft actually tries to take me to dinner with my parents or not. – SH

Right. I'll order for you anyway. – JW

**xXxXx**

**A/n: There we go. Was it worth the wait? (Which I'm sorry about, by the way…)**

**Please review, and don't forget to let me know what you think about the sequel. :D**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/n: HEY THERE! How is everyone? Well, hopefully? :D**

**Sorry about the wait, I have these pointless things called GCSEs that I'm supposed to focus on…**

**Anyway, sorry that I didn't really reply to reviews. For some reason, whenever I click the link to reply to the review, it says 'page 404 not found'. I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR PAGE 404 DAMNIT!**

***takes a deep breath* Okay, I'm calm now. I'll just reply to your reviews on here this time, and if it isn't fixed next time I'll just send you messages :D unless you have not account… then you'll get your reply next time… **

**Just have to say, I am LOVING the response last chapter got. Thanks guys! 3**

**Tenn:**** Lol :D You read it in two days non stop, or took breaks? Lol :) I'm glad you liked it :D And sure, I can bring in more Moriarty ;)**

**Monika Watson:**** I'm glad you like the idea :D And the fic. Hope you like this chapter!**

**Syagrius: ****You read it in one go too? :D Glad you liked that bit, it was a random bit, I know :)**

**Azaelea: ****I'm glad it was worth it :) I'm trying not to leave the updates for so long, but I've only got one exam left so it's all good :) And yes, Moriarty is creepy lol. I'm glad you like his randomness though :) I can't imagine that is a good way to eat really :L Anyway, hope you enjoy this :)**

**Isolde-Blue:**** I'm glad you like it! XD And she'll be back ;)**

**Vamp61616:**** That's good :) I didn't wanna be making you all wait for something crap lol :) **

**Z. Star:**** Why hello there! :D Twitter… I suppose I could try… ;D I'm glad you found it funny! And okey dokey, no problem :D (P.S. I haven't heard from you in **_**ages!**_** We need to speak again!)**

**Militarybrat:**** Lol. Glad you like that :)**

**Matteic: ****Lol :) Hopefully, it'll work out well :D Good idea :D**

**Lumoa:**** *bows while you applaud* Why thank you! Lol, that would be pretty funny… I might have to do that :D**

**DarthJackie:**** Lol. I know. It was very, **_**very**_** random. No idea where it came from :L I'm glad you liked the chapter :)**

**Noelle M:**** Lol :) glad you thought so :) Yes, poor Sherlock. Anderson is highly irritating lol :)**

**Detectiveatwork:**** I'm glad you liked it! I hope your friends don't think you're **_**too**_** crazy ;)**

**Quinn:**** Lol. I can imagine what that's like :) hope you like this one too!**

**Marissa:**** Thank you! I'm really glad you like my writing :) I used to really suck when I first started lol. Lol me too :D**

**Bablet:**** I'm glad it was worth it :) It would've been awkward if it was crap, wouldn't it? :)**

**SabrinaPhynn:**** I'm glad :) hope your day wasn't bad?**

**Vengeance Author:**** Lol I quite like him in this too :) Don't worry, Irene will be back :D**

**...Me:**** Lol :D I laugh into my pillow a lot too :) *high fives***

**Moonspun Dragon:**** *flinches* Thank you for not throwing that. It could've been painful! I'm glad you liked it :)**

**Personofnoconcern3000:**** I'm glad you did :D**

**Wow. That was a lot of reviews… THANKS!**

**XxXxX**

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 10.32am, text messages start between Anderson and Sally Donovan.**

Can you believe Freak? Look at him; walking around, spouting off ridiculous crap. Xx – SD

I know. I don't see why Lestrade puts up with him. He's an arrogant prick. Xx – A

Oh look, now he's looking at his Blackberry. Posh twat. Xx – SD

What does he even look at on there? Xx – A

I don't know. Probably something that only 'genius' people can look at. Xx – SD

Do you think there's something going on between him and John? Xx – A

I did. But then John got a girlfriend, and Freak started sleeping with that pretty American woman. Xx – SD

Oh yeah. I forgot about her. It's just weird how close they are. What's it called…? 'Bromance' or something? Xx – A

Something like that. Now he's looking at us. Xx – SD

He knows we're texting each other. Xx – A

Right. I'll see you at mine later tonight. Xx – SD

See you then. Xx – A

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 10.45am, text messages start between Sherlock Holmes, Anderson and Sally Donovan.**

You know, if you're going to text each other at work, you could at least do it subtly. Honestly, two elephants running around the crime scene in tights couldn't have been more obvious. – SH

Shut up, Freak. – SD

Why don't you just bugger off? – A

Sally; I'm not speaking, I'm texting. Anderson; very creative. Well done. Would you like a treat? – SH

Screw you. – A

No thank you Anderson, that's what you have Sally for. Now, I must be off. Looking at you two simpletons too long always does make me feel rather nauseous. – SH

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 10.56am, text messages start between Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty.**

I like how you deal with those officers. Very effective. Xx – M

One; Stop spying on me. Two; Stop texting me. And Three; Stop putting kisses. – SH

Now, now Sherlock, you know I will never leave you alone. There's no point even going over it. Xx – M

Sadly, that's true. But seriously; the kisses? – SH

Don't try telling me you wouldn't like it. I've seen the way you look at me. Xx – M

In disgust? – SH

Disgust? That's not the vibe I was getting… xx – M

Well then, you aren't as clever as I first thought. Shame. – SH

Now that's just rude. You've upset me. I'm going to go and cause someone pain. I'll speak to you later xx – M

That's all it takes? If only I'd known sooner. – SH

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 11.06am, text messages start Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

I've found a way of making Moriarty temporarily leave me alone. – SH

Really? How? – JW

Insult his intelligence. – SH

Really? That's… weird. – JW

Indeed. Oh, tell Sarah she can have her bowl back. – SH

Her… bowl? What have you done to it? – JW

She left it here when she bought over that pudding stuff. I used it in an experiment, but that's over now so she can have it back. – SH

And what experiment did you do? – JW

I don't think you really want to know. – SH

Neither do I. But I need to. – JW

Very well. I was testing the rate at which a finger will decompose whilst submerged in sulphuric acid. – SH

… I have a feeling she won't want that back. – JW

It's clean. – SH

Ish – SH

Still, knowing what's been in there will probably be enough to make her sick. – JW

Fine. We'll keep it. You can use it for your cereal. – SH

No. No way. – JW

And I have to get back to work. I'll see you later. – JW

Right. – SH

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 11.16am, text messages start Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.**

Hello sweetie, long time no speak xxx – IA

Yes. It has been a while. So what do you want? – SH

Other than you? Hmm… I could use a new necklace? Anyway, I'm back in London. We should meet up ;) xxx – IA

Why on earth would I want to do that? So you can handcuff me again? I don't think so. – SH

Oh please. Don't pretend you don't like it. I know you do ;) xxx – IA

Why do people keep putting kisses in my texts? And no I don't. You force me. – SH

I don't recall me forcing you to rip my shirt off…? ;) Xxx – IA

I didn't. That was your imagination playing tricks on you. – SH

Oh, if it was my imagination you would've never left ;) xxx – IA

You were the one who left. And left me handcuffed to a bed. – SH

Ah, yes, but I had hoped you'd still be there when I got back, hun. Xxx – IA

Right. Well I have to go now. There's been another murder. – SH

Fine. I'll pop over tonight to show you how much I've missed you xxx – IA

No you won't. – SH

Yes I will. ;) Xxx – IA

It was worth a try. – SH

**Wednesday 8****th**** June 2011 – 12.17pm, text messages start Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.**

John, there's been a murder. I'll pick you up on the way. – SH

I'm working, Sherlock. – JW

And? – SH

So I can't leave. – JW

Yes you can. I'll have Mycroft sort everything out. I'll be there in 20 minutes. – SH

Fine. Whatever. What's happened? – JW

A man who was dressed as a clown on his way to a children's birthday party was shot five times. – SH

Oh… that's a bit sick. – JW

In front of the children. No body saw the shooter. – SH

That is REALLY sick. Not a bit. – JW

Indeed. See you soon. – SH

**xXxXx**

**A/n: I know it isn't very long, but I had no idea what to do lol.**

**Oh, and in regards to the sequel: I'm thinking about carrying this one on (because it has the most reviews out of all of my stories and I don't wanna let it go :D) and starting a separate story for the Facebook etc. one.**

**Sound good? Let me know :D**


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